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Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later. Some people think that having these people to give a talk to school students is the best way to tell them about the dangers of committing a crime. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later. Some people think that having these people to give a talk to school students is the best way to tell them about the dangers of committing a crime. v. 1
Some people believe that some ex-offenders who become law-abiding citizens later in their life should have a talk with students. Personally, I totally advocate that school students’ attending a talk given by erstwhile inmates is the most suitable way to make them more aware of the risks of carrying out unlawful activities. First and foremost, having confabulation with ex-criminals could educate young people about the harsh life in prison after having been engaged in illegal activities. The previous prison would share their past experience of prison problems such as prison violence or sexual assault. Therefore, this would act as a deterrent to youth crime as they are enlightened on the hidden truth behind thorny prison issues encountered by these used-to-be-offenders. Consequently, it is essential for pupils to converse with used-to-be wrongdoers who respect the law after being out of prison. The alternatives to using reformed criminals to instruct students about crime would be less effective. One option would be for police officers to visit schools and speak to school children. This could be useful in terms of informing students about what happened to lawbreakers when they are caught, but young people are often reluctant to take advice from figures of authority. A second option would be for school teachers to talk to their students about criminal problems, but I doubt that students would see teachers as credible sources of information about this topic. In conclusion, I entirely support that people who have turned their lives around after serving a prison sentence could help to deter pupils from committing crimes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ex-offenders who become law-abiding citizens later in their life should have a talk with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Personally
, I
totally
advocate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
attending a talk
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by erstwhile inmates is the most suitable way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more aware of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of carrying out unlawful activities.

First
and foremost, having confabulation with ex-criminals could educate young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the harsh life in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
after having
been engaged
in illegal activities. The previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
would share their
Consider using "experience".
past experience
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
problems such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
violence or sexual assault.
Therefore
, this would act as a deterrent to youth crime as they
are enlightened
on the hidden truth behind thorny
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
issues encountered by these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
-to-be-offenders.
Consequently
, it is essential for pupils to converse with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
-to-be wrongdoers who respect the law after being out of prison.

The alternatives to using reformed criminals to instruct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
about crime would be less effective. One option would be for police officers to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and speak to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
children. This could be useful in terms of informing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
about what happened to lawbreakers when they
are caught
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
reluctant to take advice from figures of authority. A second option would be for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
teachers to talk to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
about criminal problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
teachers as credible sources of information about this topic.

In conclusion
, I
entirely
support that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have turned their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
around after serving a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
sentence could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to deter pupils from committing crimes.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later. Some people think that having these people to give a talk to school students is the best way to tell them about the dangers of committing a crime. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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