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some people who failed at school can be highly successful in their adult life. Discuss why does this happen? And what are the main factors to get a successful life? v.1

some people who failed at school can be highly successful in their adult life. Discuss why does this happen? And what are the main factors to get a successful life? v. 1
It is believed that a number of individuals get great success in their later stage of life, although they encounter failure while studying. It happens mainly because of people's interest in other fields rather than academic education. Hard work and family occupation play paramount role in getting success. To begin with, some people who remain zero in academic performance sometimes can excel in other works mainly because of their interests and inborn attributes in these. As, studying long time a number of books sometimes results in monotonous for them. On the contrary, if they have an interest in some games or music, it can assist them to earn name and fame. For instance, my neighbour was criticised by everybody because of his study in failure, however, he had a great affinity in singing. Therefore, nowadays he is not only well- renowned for his melodious voice, but also is earning a lot. As far as the matter of how to get success. This essay believes that hard work is the key to success because it is true that to get something special, people have to struggle which relies on the endeavours of the people, For example, Milkha Singh, Who is an athelete of India lost everything, even his parents were killed in front of his eyes, yet he had gotten the title of The Flying Sikh only because of his sheer hard work. Another worth mentioning factor is the family occupation of some families. As, sometimes children take birth in families who have their own work which helps them to achieve success in their adulthood. In other words, some people run their own business, thus their young ones learn how to take decisions, and they also get success by applying the tactics which are taught to them by their parents. In this way, it becomes ease for them to fulfil the targets in their life. To conclude, as earlier mentioned people's attitude towards other works instead of study is the fundamental reason of the failure at school, but to become successful later. Individuals can get successful by making lots of efforts along with by adopting working methods of their family members.
It
is believed
that a number of individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in their later stage of life, although they encounter failure while studying. It happens
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields
rather
than academic education.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
occupation play paramount role in getting success.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who remain zero in academic performance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
can excel in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
works
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their interests and inborn attributes in these. As, studying long time a number of books
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
results in monotonous for them.
On the contrary
, if they have an interest in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
games or music, it can assist them to earn name and fame.
For instance
, my
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
was
Possible spelling mistake. 'criticised' is British English.
criticised
by everybody
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his study in failure,
however
, he had a great affinity in singing.
Therefore
, nowadays he is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
well- renowned for his melodious voice,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
is earning a lot.

“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
far as the matter of how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. This essay believes that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is the key to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is true that to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
something special,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
struggle which relies on the
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavours' is British English.
endeavours
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Milkha
Singh, Who is an
Possible spelling mistake found.
athelete
of India lost everything, even his parents
were killed
in front of his eyes,
yet
he had gotten the title of The Flying Sikh
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his sheer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.

Another worth mentioning factor is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
occupation of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
children take birth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
who have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in their adulthood. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
run their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business,
thus
their young ones learn how to take decisions, and they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
by applying the tactics which
are taught
to them by their parents. In this way, it becomes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
for them to fulfil the targets in their life.

To conclude
, as earlier mentioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's attitude towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
works
instead
of study is the fundamental reason of the failure at school,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to become successful later. Individuals can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
successful by making lots of efforts along with by adopting working methods of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
22Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay some people who failed at school can be highly successful in their adult life. Discuss why does this happen? And what are the main factors to get a successful life? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
360 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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