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Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people's lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people's lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. v. 2
In the modern era, where people are overloaded with various stresses, happiness plays a crucial role to maintain the active lifestyle, which means not just being physically fir but mentally as well. While some people argue that teenagers live a happy life without any burden on their shoulders, others are of the opinion that, adulting makes them confident and satisfied. This essay shall discuss why childhood is not always like a fairytale, and why I believe adulthood is more joyful. A common believe is that, every child must had been a luxurious childhood but most of the children whether in developed or developing countries often lack the experience of real happiness of being a teenager. Some children are blessed with financially stable family who looks after their child's every demand. Below poverty line or poor families, for instance, still struggle for their basic needs such as food, clothing and shelter. Even if they fulfil their daily basic amenities, these families have not sense the feeling of a free hand when it comes to money matters. Therefore, such families could not even afford toys or video games which are essential for teenager's happiness in this rapidly growing world. Despite the rough teenage years, others believe, myself included, that being an adult gives much more satisfaction even if there are added responsibilities such as family and friends. Ro put in another words, after a certain age, individual take steps according to their capacity. For instance, an adult is often aware of what he or she can afford at the moment and accordingly alter their mind by making rational decisions. Furthermore, adulthood always give the motive to do hard work and grab opportunities to feel the real happiness because of  their consistent efforts. In conclusion, even though few teenagers have a wonderful and stress free childhood but I strong believe that adulthood gives us the reason to celebrate our hard work and our achievements throughout the life.
In the modern era, where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are overloaded
with various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
plays a crucial role to maintain the active lifestyle, which means not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
being
physically
fir
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
mentally
as well
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a happy life without any burden on their shoulders, others are of the opinion that,
Possible spelling mistake found.
adulting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them confident and satisfied. This essay shall discuss why childhood is not always like a
Possible spelling mistake found.
fairytale
, and why I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
adulthood is more joyful.

A common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
is that, every child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
had been a luxurious childhood
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
most of the children whether in developed or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lack the experience of real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
of being a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
children
are blessed
with
financially
stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
who looks after their child's every demand. Below poverty line or poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
,
for instance
,
still
struggle for their basic needs such as food, clothing and shelter. Even if they fulfil their daily basic amenities, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
have not
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "sensed".
sense
the feeling of a free hand when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to money matters.
Therefore
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
could not even afford toys or video games which are essential for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in this
rapidly
growing world.

Despite the rough teenage years, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
, myself included, that being an adult gives much more satisfaction even if there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
responsibilities such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friends.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ro
put in
Did you mean "in other words"?
another words
, after a certain age, individual take steps according to their capacity.
For instance
, an adult is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
aware of what he or she can afford at the moment and
accordingly
alter their mind by making rational decisions.
Furthermore
, adulthood always give the motive to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and grab opportunities to feel the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
their consistent efforts.

In conclusion
,
even though
few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have a wonderful and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
free childhood
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I strong
Did you mean "belief" (noun) instead of believe (verb)?
believe
that adulthood gives us the reason to celebrate our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and our achievements throughout the life.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people's lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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