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Some people want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other people prefer to stay with their families for a longer time. v.2

Some people want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other people prefer to stay with their families for a longer time. v. 2
Some young people prefer to leave parental home for independence as soon as possible while others would rather to stay longer. As for me, I would stay with my parents for a longer time unitl I am fianicially independent to afford housing on my own. Leaving parental home as part of the transititon to adulthood would surely grant some adults' independence. However, moving out does not neccarilly mean independence for young people. The ability to live on one' s own is the core of independence, regardlless whether he or she lives under his or her parents' roof or not. I prefer to stay at my parents' house for a longer time because I want a smoother transtition to adualthood. Nowadays, housing is not that affordable to most people in their 20s, especially for the early 20s. Living with parents would help save up a lot, thus ensuring finanical independence to come earlier. As for people who move out soon, they might spend quite a lot to rent a living place and it is highly likely that some of them can only afford a less cozy room. Though living away from parents would provide them a sense of independence, the trade-off for such independence does not seem economical to me. Independence is not just about living alone. Independence is about solving problems in a matual way. For people who move out young, it is not deniable that they would learn how to live on their own by living away from parents. However, it is also undeniable that most of them would struggel due to tight budget since housing costs much and young people tend to earn less. Contrary to moving out, staying longer with parents can facilite younge people to save money on housing. Some may argue that these people who are reluctant to leave home never get independent because they do not have the chance to solve problems solely. Plausible as it may seem at the first glance, however, such claim disregard that moving out alone does not guarantee independence. For example, if people who move out but cannot afford the rent and still ask their parent for fianicial support, that doesn' t mean independence. Likewise, for people who stay but manage to plan their budget, it is independence. In sum, moving out of parents' place could provide some independence to some adults. However, independence is not only about leaving home. The key to successful transition to adulthood requires more than that and the core of independence is solving problems matually. Leaving home too early is finacially reeless.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
parental home for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independence
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible while others would
rather
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
. As for me, I would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
time
Possible spelling mistake found.
unitl
I am
Possible spelling mistake found.
fianicially
independent to afford
If 'afford' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to house".
housing
on my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. Leaving parental home as part of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
transititon
to adulthood would
surely
grant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
adults&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independence
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
out does not
Possible spelling mistake found.
neccarilly
mean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independence
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
is the core of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independence
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
regardlless
whether he or she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
under
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039; roof or not.

I prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
at my
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I want a smoother
Possible spelling mistake found.
transtition
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
adualthood
. Nowadays, housing is not that affordable to most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their 20s,
especially
for the early 20s.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
save up a lot,
thus
ensuring
Possible spelling mistake found.
finanical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independence
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
earlier. As for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
, they might spend quite a lot to rent a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
place and it is
highly
likely that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
afford a less cozy room. Though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would provide them a sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independence
, the trade-off for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independence
does not seem economical to me.

Independence is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
alone.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Independence
is about solving problems in a
Possible spelling mistake found.
matual
way. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
, it is not deniable that they would learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
However
, it is
also
undeniable that most of them would
Possible spelling mistake found.
struggel
due to tight budget since housing costs much and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to earn less. Contrary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
out, staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
Possible spelling mistake found.
facilite
Possible spelling mistake found.
younge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to save money on housing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "argues".
argue
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are reluctant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
home never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
independent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have the chance to solve problems
solely
. Plausible as it may seem at the
first
glance,
however
, such claim disregard that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
out alone does not guarantee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independence
.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
cannot afford the rent and
still
ask their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
fianicial
support, that
Possible spelling mistake found.
doesn&
#039; t mean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independence
.
Likewise
, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
manage to plan their budget, it is independence.

In sum,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
out of
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039; place could provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independence
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adults.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independence
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about leaving home. The key to successful transition to adulthood requires more than that and the core of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independence
is solving problems
Possible spelling mistake found.
matually
. Leaving home too early is
Possible spelling mistake found.
finacially
Possible spelling mistake found.
reeless
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
58Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other people prefer to stay with their families for a longer time. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
428 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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