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Nowadays it seems that almost all websites show online advertisements from other companies for products or services. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? v.2

Nowadays it seems that almost all websites show online advertisements from other companies for products or services. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? v. 2
In modern times, the usage of internet is getting increasingly popular across the globe and a lot of commercials are published alongside in most of the webpages. Although these advertisements help visitors in choosing their products, there are a lot of detrimental effects that can cause to people. This essay will discuss more in detail about the views. Firstly, when online users visit various websites they easily get distracted by seeing the adverts displayed. They will not be able to focus on the main content and get lured to sign up for some expensive items. For instance when some one is looking to find natural ways to reduce hair fall or cure acne they get diverted by enrolling to a herbal beauty clinic, thereby ending up losing their hard earned money and have not explored the actual things. Secondly, the younger generation will also be misleaded by the online placard as they tend to buy video games and mobile apps while browsing internet for academic purpose. Therefore, the advertisements should be strictly avoided so that it will help the people not to shift their central idea. A further reason to be wary of this idea is the Privacy aspect. There is always a threat that some one is tracking the personal content by exhibiting items of our interest. Furthermore there is a possibility of banking details getting stolen without our notice. For example if a person is viewing a sports website and gets an advertisement related to gambling or casino, he will be attracted towards it and enters card details which might possibly end up in scam and will cause serious loss to his finance. To conclude, public should be mindful while accessing the online forums as these distractors will be vulenerable to their savings and confidential details. I feel the organsation that governs the website has to enforce strict laws on content owners not to encourage the advertisers.
In modern times, the usage of internet is getting
increasingly
popular across the globe and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
commercials are

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
published
alongside in most of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
webpages
. Although these advertisements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
visitors in choosing their products,

there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
detrimental effects that can cause to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This essay will discuss more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
detail
about the views.

Firstly
, when online users visit various websites they
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted by seeing the adverts displayed.

They will not be able to focus on the main content and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lured to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
up for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
expensive items.

For instance
when
Did you mean "someone"?
some one
is looking to find natural ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
hair fall or cure acne they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
diverted by

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
enrolling
to a herbal beauty clinic, thereby ending up losing their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
hard earned
money and have not explored the actual things.

Secondly
, the younger generation will
also
be
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "misled", the past tense form of the verb 'mislead'?
misleaded
by the online placard as they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
video games

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
mobile apps while browsing internet for academic purpose.
Therefore
, the advertisements should be

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
strictly
avoided
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
not to shift their central
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

A
further
reason to be wary of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is the Privacy aspect. There is always a threat that
Did you mean "someone"?
some one
is
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
tracking


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
personal content by exhibiting items of our interest.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
there is a possibility of banking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
getting


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
stolen
without our notice.
For example
if a person is viewing a sports website and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
an advertisement related
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
to


gambling or casino, he will
be attracted
towards it and enters card
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
which might
possibly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in scam

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
will cause serious loss to his finance.

To conclude
, public should be mindful while accessing the online forums as these
Possible spelling mistake found.
distractors
will be
Possible spelling mistake found.
vulenerable


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
their savings and confidential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
. I feel the
Possible spelling mistake found.
organsation
that governs the website
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
enforce
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
strict


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
laws
on content owners not to encourage the advertisers.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays it seems that almost all websites show online advertisements from other companies for products or services. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? v. 2

Essay
  American English
18 paragraphs
319 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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