Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other people prefer to stay with their families for a longer time. v.1

Some people want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other people prefer to stay with their families for a longer time. v. 1
It is pertinent for children to know the distinction between good and bad early in life. Therefore, punishment is commonly viewed as a useful vehicle required to achieve this objective. While in my opinion, I completely agree completely with this viewpoint that discipline is vital to instructing children to distinguish what is wrong from what is right, the manner of punishments I advocate for disobedient children are reprimanding them verbally and denying them certain privileges over a period of time. Firstly, I believe punishment is a viable tool that is necessary in training a child to differentiate between what is acceptable and inappropriate in society. The compelling reason for this is because when children receive punishment for doing something that is wrong, they instinctively put in effort to make amends as it feels wrong to continue in that way, knowing it will attract similar reaction the next time they repeat such action. Thusly, learning from the experience of how unpalatable this punitive measure is, they subconsciously decide not to tow that path again. On the other hand, one major disciplinary action I recommend to parents and tutors for their wards, which is needed to raise children that are able to tell the difference between good and bad, is through scolding them when necessary. In other words, whenever children do something stupid, parents should not excuse them, but rather constructively use words to vilify them. Meanwhile, words are especially potent in this guise as they are capable of moulding the character of children in their formative years. People mostly want parental approval and praise, and if they are not given, make a conscious effort to earn it by doing what will get them in their parents’ good book. Furthermore, withdrawing some privileges from younger people, which they used to enjoy, when they misbehave is another effective way of showing the to be of good behaviour. For instance, taking away from teenagers the opportunity for after-school game time because they have betrayed their guardians’ trust through the act of disobedience has been shown by established studies to yield appropriate results, considering children always do anything that would afford them the luxury of enjoying special moments. In conclusion, it is often thought that punishment is a veritable way to correct children in order to learn to separate good from evil. It is my view that this is absolutely imperative because it gives them the personal experience that is capable of guiding them in making right choices. Although there are various punishments available to parents and teachers, verbally correcting children and depriving them of some benefits when they disobey are two leading methods of realising the goal of raising decent children without causing any harm to their young impressionable minds.
It is pertinent for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to know the distinction between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
early in life.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is
commonly
viewed as a useful vehicle required to achieve this objective. While in my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
completely with this viewpoint that discipline is vital to instructing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to distinguish what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
from what is right, the manner of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
I advocate for disobedient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are reprimanding them
verbally
and denying them certain privileges over a period of time.

Firstly
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is a viable tool
that is
necessary in training a child to differentiate between what is acceptable and inappropriate in society. The compelling reason for this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
for doing something
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, they instinctively put in effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
amends as it feels
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to continue in that way, knowing it will attract similar reaction the
next
time they repeat such action.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Thusly
, learning from the experience of how unpalatable this punitive measure is, they
subconsciously
decide not to tow that path again.

On the other hand
, one major disciplinary action I recommend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and tutors for their wards, which
is needed
to raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
the difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
, is through scolding them when necessary.
In other words
, whenever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do something stupid,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should not excuse them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rather
constructively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
words to vilify them. Meanwhile, words are
especially
potent in this guise as they are capable of
Possible spelling mistake. 'moulding' is British English.
moulding
the character of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their formative years.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
mostly
want parental approval and praise, and if they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a conscious effort to earn it by doing what will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
book.
Furthermore
, withdrawing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
privileges from younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to enjoy, when they misbehave is another effective way of showing the to be of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
For instance
, taking away from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
the opportunity for after-school game time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have betrayed their guardians’ trust through the act of disobedience has
been shown
by established studies to yield appropriate results, considering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
always do anything that would afford them the luxury of enjoying special moments.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is a veritable way to correct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in order to learn to separate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
from evil. It is my view that this is
absolutely
imperative
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives them the personal experience
that is
capable of guiding them in making right choices. Although there are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
available to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers,
verbally
correcting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and depriving them of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits when they disobey are two leading methods of
Possible spelling mistake. 'realising' is British English.
realising
the goal of raising decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
without causing any harm to their young impressionable minds.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other people prefer to stay with their families for a longer time. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
456 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts