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some people want academic subjects such as history, physics to be taught in secondary school. Others want practical skills such as mechanical and gardening to be taught. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

some people want academic subjects such as history, physics to be taught in secondary school. Others want practical skills such as mechanical and gardening to be taught. v. 1
It is considered by some that educational institutions should focus on theoretical subjects, while others feel that technical or soft skill should be mandatory for students in high school level. From my point of view, both are crucial for learners according to circumstances. To commence with, academic subjects are important to accumulate information deeply and to understand the topic elaborately. Because, without theoretical knowledge its futile if institutions choose only applied knowledge. In particular, if anyone want to find archaeological evidence of any area, they have to acquire data profoundly by theory. Not only this, but also to enter any government job students need academic qualification. Apart from this, if students posses their academic career for further research this traditional method is important. Although background subjects are important, but vocational skills also essential. This is because, some students situation is different from others. What i mean by this is that due to unemployment, poverty or family crisis they have to earn money. So that, if they have technical knowledge, they easily enter into job market. In developing countries like Bangladesh government initiate to train up their unemployed manpower and export them n different countries. By this way, government earn hefty amount of remittance as well as try to solve unemployment problem. In my opinion, according to situation both knowledge is necessary. In the case of teaching, medicine profession theoretical knowledge is important, whereas to run business empirical knowledge is enough. In conclusion, skills or subjects are required to enhance themselves based on occurrence.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that educational institutions should focus on theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, while others feel that technical or soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
should be mandatory for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in high school level. From my point of view, both are crucial for learners according to circumstances.

To commence with, academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to accumulate information
deeply
and to understand the topic
elaborately
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, without theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
its futile if institutions choose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
applied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
.
In particular
, if anyone
The pronoun 'anyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "wants", "wanted".
want
to find archaeological evidence of any area, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
acquire data
profoundly
by theory. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to enter any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need academic qualification. Apart from this, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
posses their academic career for
further
research this traditional method is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

Although background
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
vocational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
also
essential. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "students'" or "student's"?
students
situation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from others. What
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
mean by this is that due to unemployment, poverty or family crisis they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
earn money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, if they have technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
, they
easily
enter into job market. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
like Bangladesh
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
initiate to train up their unemployed manpower and export them n
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries. By this way,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
earn hefty amount of remittance
as well
as try to solve unemployment problem.

In my opinion, according to situation both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
is necessary. In the case of teaching, medicine profession theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, whereas to run business empirical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are required
to enhance themselves based on occurrence.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay some people want academic subjects such as history, physics to be taught in secondary school. Others want practical skills such as mechanical and gardening to be taught. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
253 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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