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Children have responsibility to take care of their old family members, but some people say that oldpeople should not need to live with their families. What is your opinion? v.1

Children have responsibility to take care of their old family members, but some people say that oldpeople should not need to live with their families. What is your opinion? v. 1
The life structure of a human being is that at some point they must people to take care of them and at some points they need to help others. I have shared certain points about whether or not children should take care of old family. Firstly, any kid a support is required to grow up, this support reduces as and when the kid grows up, but there would be time where they will have to return the support and it would be abominable if that youngster abdicates towards old family member. Being a kid our day to day activities was repeatedly trained by our elders with patient, we need to give it back to them. For Instance, my friend was brought-up by his grandparents and he feels responsible to take care of them. My point being for the view is that his duty towards his grandparents is justified. Secondly, despite some people feel that old family members need not live with family, they posses morals which is required for younger generations. I believe that life is a circle and that we can also become old, what we do will happen to us. We should set examples for our future generation by showing them that we take care of our elders, In this way we take care of our future by taking care of our elders. One Incidence is that when my father was angry at my grandfather for an unknown reason to me, I too was angry at him as I stereotyped his thought process. I reassessed my thinking towards people and decided not to separate older family members for any particular issues. To sum up life of children and old family member is intertwined and if people are kept aside because of old age, it would be inhumane and that it should be avoided.
The life structure of a human being is that at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
points they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others. I have shared certain points about
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
children
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
family.

Firstly
, any kid a support
is required
to grow up, this support
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
as and when the kid grows up,

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there would be
It is better to use 'time' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "time when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
time where
they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
return the support and it would be abominable if

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
that
youngster abdicates towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
. Being a kid our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
activities
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
was


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
repeatedly
trained by our elders with patient, we need to give it back to them.
For Instance
,
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
my


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
friend
was brought
-up by his
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
grandparents and
he feels responsible to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them. My
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
point


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
being
for the view is that his duty towards his grandparents
is justified
.

Secondly
, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
need not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they posses


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
morals
which
is required
for younger generations. I believe that life is a circle and that we can
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
also


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
, what we do will happen to us. We should set examples for our future generation
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
by


showing them that we take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of our elders, In this way we take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of our future by taking care

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
of
our elders. One Incidence is that when my father was angry at my grandfather for an
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
unknown


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
reason
to me, I too was angry at him as I stereotyped his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process. I reassessed my
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
thinking


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and decided not to separate older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
for any particular issues.

To sum up life of children and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
is intertwined
and if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
aside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
age, it would be inhumane and that it should
be avoided
.
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Mistakes

IELTS essay Children have responsibility to take care of their old family members, but some people say that oldpeople should not need to live with their families. What is your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
18 paragraphs
305 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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