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Some people view giving presents as an important way way to show care to family and friends, others think there are more important things that can be done to show care and appreciation. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people view giving presents as an important way way to show care to family and friends, others think there are more important things that can be done to show care and appreciation. v. 2
Nowadays, people express their feelings and emotions by giving presents to their loved ones. Some people think that giving gifts to someone is a sweet gesture of love and care, whereas other masses believe in other ways of showing their concern. However, I opine that we do not always need money to buy gifts to exhibits our emotions. There are many alternatives to express love and care. In this essay I will discuss both view points along with my opinion with relevant examples in upcoming paragraph. To embark with, in the present materialistic world, gifts have taken a prestigious place. Due to fast life and spending more time in work, many people fail to balance work and life. As a result, commitments are maintained by giving gifts rather than meeting personally. Secondly, people can make their relationships strong by giving gifts and presents. For example, sometimes people are unable to show their feelings towards their loved ones. So, they find gifts as the best way of expressing their feelings. Moreover, communication gap between family members makes relationship strained. In a way, gifts are not only important to start a relationship but also to maintain it. On the other side, from my perspective, despite of presenting gifts there are many other ways to show our feelings for our loved ones. Firstly, care is essential for both family as well friends as compare to materialistic things like gifts. For instance, people can help their friends through care and support in their bad or worse time. Likewise children can care their parents by their affection as well as care, especially in their olg age because in this stage every parents expect support, love and care from their children. Also, by cooking delicious food and going out together, people can show their love for those person whom they truly love. In addition, it is always said that, time is the most precious gift as compare to other worldly things like presents. A lot of people in this busy and fast pace life need someone to listen their problems and empathise with them. Last but not the least, people with low income cannot afford to give costly gifts. They shower their lovr and concern with advice. In conclusion, no doubt, gifts provide happiness to both the giver as well as taker but I think that in spite of materialistic things love, affection, care, appreciation and support are priceless and even low income people can afford these cberished presents rather than luxury gifts which only give rise to evils like social status and increase gap in relations.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
express their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feelings
and emotions by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
to someone is a sweet gesture of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
masses believe in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of showing their concern.
However
, I opine that we do not always need money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "exhibit".
exhibits
our emotions. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
alternatives to express
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
. In this essay I will discuss both view points along with my opinion with relevant examples in upcoming paragraph.

To embark with, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
materialistic world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
have taken a prestigious place. Due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
life and spending more time in work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fail to balance work and life.
As a result
, commitments
are maintained
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
rather
than meeting
personally
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their relationships strong by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feelings
towards their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
as the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
of expressing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feelings
.
Moreover
, communication gap between family members
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
relationship strained. In a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a relationship
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to maintain it.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side, from my perspective,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
presenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feelings
for our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
is essential for both family
as well
friends as compare to materialistic things like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their friends through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and support in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
or worse time.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Likewise
children can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
their parents by their affection
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
,
especially
in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
olg
age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in this stage every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "parent"?
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
support,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
from their children.
Also
, by cooking delicious food and going out together,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
for
Did you mean "this person" or "those people", "those persons"?
those person
whom they
truly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
.
In addition
, it is always said that, time is the most precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
as compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
worldly things like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in this busy and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace life need someone to listen their problems and
Possible spelling mistake. 'empathise' is British English.
empathise
with them. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with low income cannot afford to give costly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
. They shower their
Possible spelling mistake found.
lovr
and concern with advice.

In conclusion
, no doubt,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
provide happiness to both the giver
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
taker
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
materialistic things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
, affection,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
, appreciation and support are priceless and even low income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can afford these
Possible spelling mistake found.
cberished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
rather
than luxury
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
give rise to evils like social status and increase gap in relations.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
59Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people view giving presents as an important way way to show care to family and friends, others think there are more important things that can be done to show care and appreciation. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
431 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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