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In some organizations, promotions are based on seniority, while in other organizations, promotions are based on performance. Discuss the advantages of each position. Then indicate which position you think is best and why. v.2

In some organizations, promotions are based on seniority, while in other organizations, promotions are based on performance. Discuss the advantages of each position. Then indicate which position you think is best and why. v. 2
The budgetary allocation to the prevention of animals and their habit from the threat expensed by not only government but also citizens. However, it is more essential to spend money on tackling society' s problems. From my perspective, I partly agree with this idea which is illustrated below. There are several benefits when ensuring the safety of wildlife. Firstly, a handful number of rare animals would be on the edge of extinction; therefore, unless the construction of wildlife sanctuaries is given financial aid by authorities, the existence of some kind of endangered animals would be assured because overfishing and poaching may be underused. Secondly, the reliance on animal behaviours may help scientists to define the best method for preservation of the natural habitat. For example, some kinds of crocodiles have abilities to make predictions about the unprecedented events such as earthquakes, tsunami or hail. Apart from the statement mentioned above, the quality of human life is also especially important in social development. Firstly, living below poverty lines is a major problem in some underdeveloped countries. This is because mortality rates are extremely increasing due to annual starvation without any financial support from local authorities. Secondly, a real shortage of healthcare services has tremendous impacts on citizens' health conditions. For instance, the outbreak of epidemic in African countries might be the culprit of insufficient professional doctors, hospitals, and infirmaries. Therefore, spending money on these fields is fundamentally paramount. In conclusion, in my opinion, both wildlife and human life are equally crucial in society; therefore, national budgets should be allocated proportionately to these sections.
The budgetary allocation to the prevention of
animals
and their habit from the threat expensed by not
only
government
but
also
citizens.
However
, it is more essential to spend money on tackling
society&
#039; s problems. From my perspective, I partly
agree
with this
idea
which
is illustrated
below.

There are several benefits when ensuring the safety of wildlife.
Firstly
, a handful number of rare
animals
would be on the edge of extinction;
therefore
, unless the construction of wildlife sanctuaries is
given
financial aid by authorities, the existence of
some
kind of endangered
animals
would
be assured
because
overfishing and poaching may
be underused
.
Secondly
, the reliance on
animal
behaviours
may
help
scientists to define the best method for preservation of the natural habitat.
For example
,
some
kinds of crocodiles have abilities to
make
predictions about the unprecedented
events
such as earthquakes, tsunami or hail.

Apart from the statement mentioned above, the quality of human life is
also
especially
important
in social development.
Firstly
, living below poverty lines is a major problem in
some
underdeveloped countries. This is
because
mortality rates are
extremely
increasing due to annual starvation without any financial support from local authorities.
Secondly
, a real shortage of healthcare services has tremendous impacts on
citizens&
#039; health conditions.
For instance
, the outbreak of epidemic in African countries might be the culprit of insufficient professional doctors, hospitals, and infirmaries.
Therefore
, spending money on these fields is
fundamentally
paramount.

In conclusion
, in my opinion, both wildlife and human life are
equally
crucial in society;
therefore
, national budgets should
be allocated
proportionately
to these sections.
20Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
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IELTS essay In some organizations, promotions are based on seniority, while in other organizations, promotions are based on performance. Discuss the advantages of each position. Then indicate which position you think is best and why. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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