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Some people use the internet to search for solutions to their medical problems. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples from your experience. v.2

Some people use the internet to search for solutions to their medical problems. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples from your experience. v. 2
Nowadays, people opt for internet in order to find out the solution for their health issue. In my opinion, this is a detrimental approach unless having low-level diseases and this essay will discuss reasons of it in the forthcoming paragraphs. To begin with, to search for any remedy or solution for a disease by using internet is a cynic way of treatment. This is because every disease has its own background reasons and medical specialist and if it is diagnose wrongly, there could be a serious repercussions on the health of a patient. For example, a study by medical sciences institute of California has reported that, patients who use other sources rather than medical specialist for curing their diseases are acquiring the rise in their illness. Another reason is that, people have graduated from specific field in medical and have in depth knowledge about it. This means every disease needs a proper analysis from a medical specialist unless it is very low-level disease. Furthermore, in my opinion, for low-level diseases such as fever, cough, and headache up to a low-level we could take medicines by looking at some other sources. However, beyond this, there should always be a proper medical checkup and treatment from a medical expert. There are chances to avail wrong medicine as a result of lack of proper knowledge. For instance, recently, my friend who was having low B. P problem, took “Calcee”, which makes him hospitalized, later found out that his B. P was high. In summary, searching internet for personal medical issue can result in adverse outcomes. Meanwhile, in my view, for a very level disease internet can be search but beyond which there should always be a medical specialist treatment.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opt for internet in order to find out the solution for their health issue. In my opinion, this is a detrimental approach unless having low-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
and this essay will discuss reasons of it in the forthcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, to search for any remedy or solution for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
by using internet is a cynic way of treatment. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
background reasons and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specialist
and if it is
Consider using a past participle here: "diagnosed".
diagnose
wrongly
, there could be a serious
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "repercussion"?
repercussions
on the health of a patient.
For example
, a study by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
sciences institute of California has reported that, patients who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
other sources
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specialist
for curing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are acquiring the rise in their illness. Another reason is that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have graduated from specific field in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
and have in depth knowledge about it. This means every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
needs a proper analysis from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specialist
unless it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low-level disease.

Furthermore
, in my opinion, for low-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
such as fever, cough, and headache up to a low-level we could take medicines by looking at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other sources.
However
, beyond this, there should always be a proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
checkup and treatment from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
expert. There are chances to avail
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
medicine
as a result
of lack of proper knowledge.
For instance
, recently, my friend who was having low B. P problem, took “
Possible spelling mistake found.
Calcee
”, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
him hospitalized, later found out that his B. P was high.

In summary, searching internet for personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
issue can result in adverse outcomes. Meanwhile, in my view, for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
internet can be search
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
beyond which there should always be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specialist
treatment.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people use the internet to search for solutions to their medical problems. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples from your experience. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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