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Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and news events. Do you think advantages of this out weighs the disadvantages? v.2

Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and news events. Do you think advantages of this out weighs the disadvantages? v. 2
Nowadays, more commonly social networking platforms are busy in keeping people intact with loved once and news updates. In my perception, online networking activities are vital for the social integration. Despite the user's awareness on negatives. On the one hand, social media platforms have induced the connectivity in many necessary aspects such as media freedom and social connectivity has reached its peak than ever before. To illustrate, instant latest news can be reached within seconds either domestic or international. Furthermore, decades ago communicating with friends and relatives were expensive and irritating because of the poor technology. It is a nightmare to get connected without social media. To sum up, there is a qualitative change in human communication than ever before applications. On the other hand, cyber safety and false news publication have to be eradicated with regulations and on public awareness. For an instant example, Cyber theft, abuse of personal information and even false news has been increased over the years. Since, the adaptation of technology at its trial and error period left many ugly memories for many account holders. Moreover, Public awareness programs conducted on specific social networking's are, indeed. In short, truth to flaws and in contrast, is just away from the "fingertips, which in need for cyber law on service providers and users. In conclusion, social media has full filled connectivity essentials with greater advantage than its negatives. In my opinion, operators have to be more vigilant about their personal account intruders and to identify authentic sources of news in the meantime keeping away from social disturbance posts.
Nowadays, more
commonly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking platforms are busy in keeping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
intact with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
once and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
updates. In my perception, online networking activities are vital for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
integration. Despite the user's awareness on negatives.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
platforms have induced the connectivity in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
necessary aspects such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
freedom and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
connectivity has reached its
Use "(peak)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
peak
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. To illustrate, instant latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
can
be reached
within seconds either domestic or international.
Furthermore
, decades ago communicating with friends and relatives were expensive and irritating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the poor technology. It is a nightmare to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
connected without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. To sum up, there is a qualitative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in human communication than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
applications.

On the other hand
, cyber safety and false
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
publication
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be eradicated
with regulations and on public awareness. For an instant example, Cyber theft, abuse of personal information and even false
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
has
been increased
over the years. Since, the adaptation of technology at its trial and error period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ugly memories for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
account holders.
Moreover
, Public awareness programs conducted on specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking's are,
indeed
. In short, truth to flaws and
in contrast
, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
away from the
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
fingertips, which in need for cyber law on service providers and users.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has full filled connectivity essentials with greater advantage than its negatives.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my opinion, operators
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be more vigilant about their personal account intruders and to identify authentic sources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
in the meantime keeping away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
disturbance posts.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and news events. Do you think advantages of this out weighs the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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