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People use social media to keep in touch with friends and news. Advantages and disadvantages? v.1

People use social media to keep in touch with friends and news. Advantages and disadvantages? v. 1
Many studies have shown that the number of people who are using social media to interact with friends and to get news has increased recent times. The development of the Internet also social media brings huge benefits for humans. On the other hand, it has some disadvantages. There are two central reasons why social media is a great invention of humans. Initially, it is a wonderful tool for people to contact with the world. People can find out everything, although they are staying at home. For example, instead of paying a huge money to visit the United States, people can see the beauty of some well – known places in this country such as Harvard University, The Walk of Fame and The Statue of Liberty through their computer’s screen. In addition, they can know about not only national news but also international news. It is too easy to find out world politics, although they are living in their country. Secondly, thanks to social network, which are Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, people can connect with their friends and relatives without long distance. Moreover, they also have a chance of making friends with foreigners then improving English and learning about another new culture. Undoubtedly, social media have limited distance between people and made them together. In spite of some advantages, the existence of social media has two main disadvantages. Firstly, people are using this tool to bully. They just need a laptop or a smart phone to victimize a person they feel hatred. Other people recognized is at their pleasure. In contrast, many people, especially super stars are victims of cyber bullying. It is not too easy to escape it and they often choose death to solve this serious problem. For example, Sully – a well – known singer chose to commit suicide because of cyber bullying. The mentioned accident has proved the danger of social media to the people. In the second place, the existence of unofficial online news has a detrimental effect on people’s life. Some users are taking advantages of social media to approach untrue information. It often makes people worried and it can lead to a country’s politics. In conclusion, social media has triggered far – reaching changes in many aspects of our daily lives, especially ranging from national communications to world communications network. Otherwise, the Internet still exists disadvantages. To solve it, people need to become intelligent users, think deeply and recognize social media as a relax tool.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
studies have shown that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to interact with friends and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
has increased recent times. The development of the Internet
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
brings huge benefits for humans.
On the other hand
, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages.

There are two central reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is a great invention of humans.
Initially
, it is a wonderful tool for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to contact with the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can find out everything, although they are staying at home.
For example
,
instead
of paying a huge money to visit the United States,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the beauty of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
well
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
known places in this country such as Harvard University, The Walk of Fame and The Statue of Liberty through their computer’s screen.
In addition
, they can know about not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
. It is too easy to find out world politics, although they are living in their country.
Secondly
, thanks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network, which are Facebook, Instagram and Twitter,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can connect with their friends and relatives without long distance.
Moreover
, they
also
have a chance of making friends with foreigners then improving English and learning about another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
culture.
Undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have limited distance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and made them together.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages, the existence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has two main disadvantages.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are using this tool to bully. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need a laptop or a smart phone to victimize a person they feel hatred. Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
recognized is at their pleasure.
In contrast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
super stars are victims of
This word is normally spelled as one.
cyber bullying
. It is not too easy to escape
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
it and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
choose death to solve this serious problem.
For example
,
Sully
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
a well
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
known singer chose to commit suicide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This word is normally spelled as one.
cyber bullying
. The mentioned accident has proved the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In the second place, the existence of unofficial online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
has a detrimental effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
users are taking advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to approach untrue information. It
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
worried and it can lead to a country’s politics.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has triggered
A dash was used instead of a hyphen. Did you mean: "far-reaching".
far – reaching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
especially
ranging from national communications to world communications network.
Otherwise
, the Internet
still
exists disadvantages. To solve it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to become intelligent users,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
deeply
and recognize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
as a relax tool.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People use social media to keep in touch with friends and news. Advantages and disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
411 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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