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Nowadays people use social media to keep in touch with others and be aware of the news. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Nowadays people use social media to keep in touch with others and be aware of the news. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
Utilizing the social webs to communicate with others and be aware of news are becoming relevant today. Despite the Internet gives the opportunity to send messages to another and broadcasts all world news, people suffer from it due to lacking of meeting and communications with people. In my opinion, social media has both pros and cons. The greatest benefit from digital time is that it provides a wide range of apps to connect with people in the distance, and it creates news platform such as BBC, Bloomberg, Washington Post which is helping to trace the situations is stemmed. Moreover, in this industrial revolution networks are being relevant among the big companies to prompting their projects. For example, we have been started supporting connection with our partners by social media since the Internet was created, and it boosts our productivity and results. Social media not only give the chance to communicate with people abroad, but also provides all economic, politic, sport events. On other hand isolation from the real life is paradoxically the main disadvantage of the digitilazation. People have become like robot, since they don't see need to meet and communicate with friends. One survey shows that 75 percent of youth has psychological problems, for people should share their feelings and love with people. The Internet poses the massive obstacles for people, as adults prefer to send the message friends than to call them. As a contradiction of sorts, it is the hardship that ultimately makes the using social media more advantageous than disadvantageous.
Utilizing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
webs to communicate with others and be aware of news are becoming relevant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. Despite the Internet gives the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
messages to another and broadcasts all world news,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from it due to lacking of meeting and communications with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has both pros and cons.

The greatest benefit from digital time is that it provides a wide range of apps to connect with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the distance, and it creates news platform such as BBC, Bloomberg, Washington Post which is helping to trace the situations
is stemmed
.
Moreover
, in this industrial revolution networks are being relevant among the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to prompting their projects.
For example
, we have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
supporting connection with our partners by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
since the Internet
was created
, and it boosts our productivity and results.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
give the chance to communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
abroad,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provides all economic, politic, sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

On other hand isolation from the real life is
paradoxically
the main disadvantage of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
digitilazation
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have become like robot, since they don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and communicate with friends. One survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 75 percent of youth has psychological problems, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should share their feelings and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The Internet poses the massive obstacles for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, as adults prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
the message friends than to call them.

As a contradiction of sorts, it is the hardship that
ultimately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
more advantageous than disadvantageous.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Nowadays people use social media to keep in touch with others and be aware of the news. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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