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Some people to shop for food in supermarkets. Other people prefer to do their food shopping online. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people to shop for food in supermarkets. Other people prefer to do their food shopping online. v. 2
Today, the question of whether students should pay the cost of own study or not has been receiving a great deal of public attention. I advocate the idea the government should invest student's tuition. There are some reasons for why students should pay all of the cost. First, if the government invests in education, which can put a burden of national budgets. In fact, the government should fund properly to many key areas namely economy, health care, transports, which implies every students should shoulder the responsibility to pay their schooling fee. Second, students who are willing to pay own, it should be encouraged. This means that students should understand the value of life and duty of themselves, which helps them to acknowledge the importance of knowledge especially effort fond of study. Nevertheless, other benefits for investment student's education. First, in order to guarantee the qualified of the national workforce down the road, investing education as a win-win solution. In fact, students can continuously have access to higher education at ease, especially aspiring ones, go to school, which can bring the workforce an array benefits the sense that young generation will become talented and qualified employees. Second, if students relieve a burden of schooling fee, there is a good chance would support their budgets. For instance, students can utilise their money to buy books or clothes, which improves their living of standard. In conclusion, it is a wise decision when the government is inclined to finance student's education. By investing in student's education, officers will lead their country to a higher level of development.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
the cost of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
study or not has been receiving a great deal of public attention. I advocate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student's
tuition.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons for why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
Consider using "all the".
all of the
cost.
First
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
invests in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, which can put a burden of national budgets. In fact, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should fund
properly
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
key areas
namely
economy, health care, transports, which implies every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "student"?
students
should shoulder the responsibility to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
their schooling fee. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are willing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, it should
be encouraged
. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should understand the value of life and duty of themselves, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to acknowledge the importance of knowledge
especially
effort fond of study.

Nevertheless
, other benefits for investment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
First
, in order to guarantee
The phrase 'the qualified of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the qualified of
the national workforce down the road, investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as a win-win solution. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
continuously
have access to higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
,
especially
aspiring ones, go to school, which can bring the workforce an array benefits the sense that young generation will become talented and qualified employees. Second, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
relieve a burden of schooling fee, there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
chance would support their budgets.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
their money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
books or clothes, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their living of standard.

In conclusion
, it is a wise decision when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is inclined
to finance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. By investing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, officers will lead their country to a higher level of development.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people to shop for food in supermarkets. Other people prefer to do their food shopping online. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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