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Some people think young people can learn some useful skills from playing electronic and computer games. Some people think playing electronic is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think young people can learn some useful skills from playing electronic and computer games. Some people think playing electronic is a waste of time. v. 2
With the prevalence of cutting-edge technology, video games have undergone a substantial transformation. Some are of the opinions that people can gain skills by playing computer games. Others differ in this view. Considering this situation, it is crucial to explore this from two perspectives. To begin with, playing computer games can help people acquire many skills. To be precise, many games can promote people to enhance their problem-solving skills. For example, many puzzle games are becoming more and more popular among different age groups; this is mainly because these games not only can lead people to solve problems step by step but also conduct people to think outside the box, thereby solving problems by using different approaches. Consequently, it can make a significant contribution to acquiring problem-solving skills. Besides, a large variety of educational games tend to design game characters in an appealing and engaging way, so that this can entice the game player to concentrate on games and interact with game contents. As a result, this can help people become more focus on learning new knowledge. On the other hand, there are several reasons why playing electronic games can be squandering of time. To be specific, since many games are designed in an engaging and appealing way, many students play games after school and hold up their study time. Therefore, this can impede their academic study and fail their school. Moreover, people are exposed to screen for a long period, which might leopardine their health. For instance, people who are vulnerable to eye and spine ailments, and they will foster a sedentary lifestyle. Hence, addicting to computer games can cause disastrous repercussions. To sum up, it is apparent that playing computer games can help people gain problem-solving skills as well as focus ability. By no means, should we turn a blind eye on the influence of school study and adverse effects on health. From my point of view, playing computer games brings more detrimental impacts on human lives.
With the prevalence of cutting-edge technology, video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have undergone a substantial transformation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
are of the opinions that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Others differ in this view. Considering this situation, it is crucial to explore this from two perspectives.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
acquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. To be precise,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enhance their problem-solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
puzzle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are becoming more and more popular among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age groups; this is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
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games
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to solve problems step by step
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
conduct
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people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
outside the box, thereby solving problems by using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
approaches.
Consequently
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a significant contribution to acquiring problem-solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Besides
, a large variety of educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
tend to design game characters in an appealing and engaging way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that this can entice the game player to concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and interact with game contents.
As a result
, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more focus on learning new knowledge.

On the other hand
, there are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be squandering of time. To be specific, since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are designed
in an engaging and appealing way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
after school and hold up their study time.
Therefore
, this can impede their academic study and fail their school.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are exposed
to screen for a long period, which might
Possible spelling mistake found.
leopardine
their health.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are vulnerable to eye and spine ailments, and they will foster a sedentary lifestyle.
Hence
, addicting to computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can cause disastrous repercussions.

To sum up, it is apparent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gain problem-solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
as well
as focus ability. By no means, should we turn a blind eye on the influence of school study and adverse effects on health. From my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
brings more detrimental impacts on human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Some people think young people can learn some useful skills from playing electronic and computer games. Some people think playing electronic is a waste of time. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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