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Some people say that young people learn useful skills by playing electronic and computer games. Other say that young people who play electronic and computer games are wasting time. Discuss both views and give your opinion? v.2

Some people say that young people learn useful skills by playing electronic and computer games. Other say that young people who play electronic and computer games are wasting time. v. 2
Nowadays, an increasing number of people are playing electronic and computer games. While some individual think that youth are able to learn many useful neck by playing such entertainment, games, on the contrary, a number of people believe that they are wasting their time. In my honest opinion, playing these types of games is the best way to gain useful skills. This essay will explore both sides with exemplify. On the one hand, it is true that people who play electronic and computer games can get a plethora of benefits from it. Generally, people play computer games in their free time for removing their monotonous stuff and Loneliness. By playing games people can gain problem solving efficiency as well as improve attention and concentration. For example, Most of the youth like to play chess in online, because it is brain-based game and this game involve certain rules. The player has to think carefully after making any mistakes, when he did any mistake, then he can learn how can solve this kinds of problems. And when a player play this game that time he has to concentrate properly in this game. By this way people are able to achieve several proficiency. I think young people can improve their knowledge by playing electronic and computer games. On the other hand, there are many people who think that juvenile who play electronic and computer games are misusing their time. Playing such games has a number of disadvantages, it has been proven in some research that if people play computer games daily, they face several health problems like waist problem, eye, hand, and so on. Also It improves physical and mental problem and increases the aggressiveness of the player and there are become violent. For instance, Some games are very aggressive and violent, a player who played this game long time perhaps he will be become dangerous for society. As a consequence, some people believe that playing computer and electronic games are waste of times. To sum up, from my perspective, playing computer and electronic game is a great source of learning. It helps people to improve their skills by playing this games. It has a lot of convenience, which outweighs the inconvenience.
Nowadays, an increasing number of
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people
are
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playing
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electronic
and computer
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games
. While
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some
individual
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think
that youth are able to learn
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many
useful neck by
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playing
such entertainment,
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games
,
on the contrary
, a number of
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people
believe that they are wasting their
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time
. In my honest opinion,
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playing
these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is the best way to gain useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This essay will explore both sides with exemplify.

On the one hand, it is true that
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people
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who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
and computer
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games
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a plethora of benefits from it.
Generally
,
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people
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play
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for removing their monotonous stuff and

Loneliness. By
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playing
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games
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people
can gain
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problem
solving efficiency
as well
as
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improve
attention and concentration.
For example
, Most of the youth like to
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play
chess in online,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is brain-based game and this game involve certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. The
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player
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
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think
carefully
after making any mistakes, when he did any mistake, then he can learn how can solve
Did you mean "these"?
this
kinds of
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problems
. And when a
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player
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play
this game that
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time
he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
concentrate
properly
in this game. By this way
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people
are able to achieve
Possible agreement error. The noun proficiency seems to be uncountable; consider using: "some proficiency".
several proficiency
. I
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think
young
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people
can
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improve
their knowledge by
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playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
and computer games.

On the other hand
, there are
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many
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people
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who
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think
that juvenile
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who
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play
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electronic
and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are misusing their
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time
.
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Playing
such
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games
has a number of disadvantages, it has
been proven
in
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some
research that if
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people
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play
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
daily, they face several health
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problems
like waist
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problem
, eye, hand, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
It
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improves
physical and mental
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problem
and increases the aggressiveness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
and there
are become
violent.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
aggressive and violent, a
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player
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who
played this game long
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time
perhaps he will
be become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for society. As a consequence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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people
believe that
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playing
computer and
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electronic
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games
are waste of times.

To sum up, from my perspective,
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playing
computer and
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electronic
game is a great source of learning. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
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improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by
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playing
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. It has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
convenience, which outweighs the inconvenience.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
70Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Some people say that young people learn useful skills by playing electronic and computer games. Other say that young people who play electronic and computer games are wasting time. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
369 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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