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Some people think young people can learn some useful skills from playing electronic and computer games. Some people think playing electronic is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think young people can learn some useful skills from playing electronic and computer games. Some people think playing electronic is a waste of time. v. 1
In some cultures smacking children is seen as an old and efficient method of discipline. Some parents are using physical punishment in order to control their children. This essay will argue that using violence as an educational method for raising children is completely unacceptable. Since the old ages parents who were in difficulty to control the children’s behaving often has chosen physical power. Even nowadays there are many families who consider that smacking their children will help them to become educated and well mannered adults. One reason why this has happened in the past and is still happening now is that parents don’t understand the needs of their children and they are not sufficiently educated to be able to manage with children’s temperament. Another reason is that most of the parents were educated in the same manner so they are repeating their experience with their children. For example, in Romania, the domestic violence is still at a high rate and the children are the most abused, especially in the rural areas. Even if for the moment smacking a child could bring the desired effect, this method is completely unacceptable in our days. Despite the fact that in some situations smacking children can make them submissive for a short term, the physical punishment as a method of education has a negative impact upon their future development as individuals. The trauma resulted will affect both the children and the adults they will become in the long term. Also, this kind of discipline can lead to future criminals, abusers or violent adults. For instance, if an adult was smacked in his youth, he would do the same with his child. In their future relations with their partners and their children they will repeat what they experienced in their childhood. These are a few reasons why violence is not the proper form of educating children. In conclusion, this essay argued that using physical violence as an educational method for raising children is completely wrong and inadequate. In my opinion, smacking children is a proof of adult’s weakness and lack of education and is definitely forbidden.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cultures smacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and efficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
of discipline.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
punishment in order to control their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This essay will argue that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
as an educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
for raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is completely unacceptable.

“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who were in difficulty to control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
behaving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
has chosen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
power. Even nowadays there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families who consider that smacking their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to become educated and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well mannered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
. One reason why this has happened in the past and is
still
happening
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
don’t understand the needs of their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they are not
sufficiently
educated to be able to manage with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
temperament. Another reason is that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
were educated
in the same manner
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are repeating their experience with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, in Romania, the domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
is
still
at a high rate and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are the most abused,
especially
in the rural areas. Even if for the moment smacking a child could bring the desired effect, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
is completely unacceptable in our days.

Despite the fact that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations smacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them submissive for a short term, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
punishment as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
of education has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact upon their future development as individuals. The trauma resulted will affect both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
they will become in the long term.
Also
, this kind of discipline can lead to future criminals, abusers or violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
.
For instance
, if an adult
was smacked
in his youth, he would do the same with his child. In their future relations with their partners and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
they will repeat what they experienced in their childhood. These are a few reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
is not the proper form of educating children.

In conclusion
, this essay argued that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
as an educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
for raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and inadequate. In my opinion, smacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is a proof of adult’s weakness and lack of education and is definitely forbidden.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people think young people can learn some useful skills from playing electronic and computer games. Some people think playing electronic is a waste of time. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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