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Some people think they can be fit by going to gym, while others thinks there are other better way to remain fit, Discuss? v.1

Some people think they can be fit by going to gym, while others thinks there are other better way to remain fit, Discuss? v. 1
Keeping the body robust can develop in many ways. Many believe that going to the gym makes the one maintain their figure strong enough, where, according to someone, doing other exercises also keeps them strong. Therefore, this essay will discuss both views to be shared the opinion at the end. Paying for a club participation can be a motivating, but there is also a boost you get from working, around the people. We often draw energy from others and it can even push you to work harder, for instance, people do not want the individual next to them running faster than them. Exercise is much easier when you have a lot of options to choose from, in case you are a cardio machine person, you have the option of a treadmill, stair climber, rowing machine and etc. Further, weight lifting options are also available and finally, big attraction the fitness classes. Home workout, acclaimed to be most attractive in today's world. Expensive gym membership and hassle will turn individual to home workout, for example, an individual has to pack his bag and travel to the gym will cost him ample of time. Moreover, you can have body weight exercises at home or walk or run in the park, on the other hand, indoor activity will lessen individual social interaction which leads to anxiety and nervous breakdown. In conclusion, in my opinion, despite exercises assist the person to magnify and maintain their physical fitness and health, the people should decide and choose a suitable activity which remains their body healthy and active.
Keeping the body robust can develop in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe that going to the gym
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the one maintain their figure strong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, where, according to someone, doing other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
them strong.
Therefore
, this essay will discuss both views to
be shared
the opinion at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

Paying for a club participation can be a motivating,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is
also
a boost you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from working, around the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
draw energy from others and it can even push you to work harder,
for instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not want the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
next
to them running faster than them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Exercise
is much easier when you have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
options to choose from, in case you are a cardio machine person, you have the option of a treadmill, stair climber, rowing machine
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
Further
, weight lifting options are
also
available and
finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
attraction the fitness classes.

Home workout, acclaimed to be most attractive in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world. Expensive gym membership and hassle will turn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to home workout,
for example
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
pack his bag and travel to the gym will cost him ample of time.
Moreover
, you can have body weight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
at home or walk or run in the park,
on the other hand
, indoor activity will lessen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
social interaction which leads to anxiety and nervous breakdown.

In conclusion
, in my opinion, despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
assist the person to magnify and maintain their physical fitness and health, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should decide and choose a suitable activity which remains their body healthy and active.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think they can be fit by going to gym, while others thinks there are other better way to remain fit, Discuss? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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