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People listen to music for different reasons and at different times. Why is music important to many people? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice. v.2

People listen to music for different reasons and at different times. Why is music important to many people? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice. v. 2
Parents throughout the world place spend time reading with their offspring to prepare them for school where their literacy skills are further developed; however, recent research suggests that focusing on reading at an early age can be detrimental, and participating in fun activities would be far more beneficial. I am a strong advocate of this approach, and the benefits of it will be covered in the upcoming paragraphs. Firstly, a fundamental reason for this is that there is no biological age for reading, and pushing infants to acquire this skill before they are ready could have repercussions. For example, in the UK, many boys are reluctant readers, possibly because of being forced to read, and this turned them off reading. By focusing on other activities and developing other skills such as creativity and imagination, when they are ready to read, they usually acquire this skill rapidly. Additionally the importance of encouraging creativity and developing a child’s imagination must be acknowledged. Through play, youngsters develop social and cognitive skills, for example, they are more likely to learn vocabulary through context rather than learning it from a book. Furthermore, play allows youngsters to mature emotionally, and gain self-confidence. There is no scientific research which suggests reading at a young age is essential for a child’s development as well as evidence suggests the reverse is true. In Finland, early years’ education focuses on playing. Reading is only encouraged if a child shows and interest in developing this skill. This self-directed approach certainly does not result in Finnish school leavers falling behind their foreign counterparts. In fact, Finland was ranked the sixth best in the world in terms of reading. Despite being a supporter of this non-reading approach, I strongly recommend incorporating bedtime stories into a child’s daily routine. However, reading as a regular daytime activity should be swapped for something which allows the child to develop other skills.
Parents throughout the world place spend time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
with their offspring to prepare them for school where their literacy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are
further
developed;
however
, recent research suggests that focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
at an early age can be detrimental, and participating in fun activities would be far more beneficial. I am a strong advocate of this approach, and the benefits of it will
be covered
in the upcoming paragraphs.

Firstly
, a fundamental reason for this is that there is no biological age for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
, and pushing infants to acquire this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they are ready could have repercussions.
For example
, in the UK,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
boys are reluctant readers,
possibly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
being forced
to read, and this turned them off
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
. By focusing on other activities and developing other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as creativity and imagination, when they are ready to read, they
usually
acquire this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
rapidly
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Additionally
the importance of encouraging creativity and developing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
imagination
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be acknowledged
. Through play, youngsters develop social and cognitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
for example
, they are more likely to learn vocabulary through context
rather
than learning it from a book.

Furthermore
, play
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
youngsters to mature
emotionally
, and gain self-confidence. There is no scientific research which suggests
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
at a young age is essential for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
development
as well
as evidence suggests the reverse is true. In Finland, early years’ education focuses on playing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Reading
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
encouraged if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and interest in developing this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
. This self-directed approach
certainly
does not result in Finnish
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
falling behind their foreign counterparts. In fact, Finland
was ranked
the sixth best in the world in terms of reading.

Despite being a supporter of this non-reading approach, I
strongly
recommend incorporating bedtime stories into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
daily routine.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
as a regular daytime activity should
be swapped
for something which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to develop other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay People listen to music for different reasons and at different times. Why is music important to many people? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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