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Governments should spend money on railways rather thanroads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.2

Governments should spend money on railways rather thanroads. with this statement? v. 2
There is an ongoing controversy that whether governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. Some people think that roads are better than railways. However, in my opinion, I believe that spending money on railways can make more benefit than using it for roads for several reasons. First, train is the cheaper way to travel than car or bus. People should access the public transport with the minimum cost and the government should provide the sufficient support for people. Because a train can carry more than a hundred people, it is one of the most economical transportation. For instance, in my country, the train cost only 5 pounds to travel from Bangkok to Chiangmai, compared to the bus, which cost 12 pounds. Clearly, the train is the low-price transportation than road vehicle, so the governments should invest on railways more to ensure that people in their countries get the reasonable public transportation. Second, the railways’ system emit less pollution than the other transport in roads’ system. Nowadays, most cars still need oil to make to possible move. Consequently, the carbon was produce a lot from the car engines, damaging the environment and harming the living creatures. In contrast, there are the train innovations that use other clean energy, such as electricity, to propel the train instead of oil. This innovation can reduce significant level of environment problems that humans are now facing. So the government ought to persuade people to use this clean technology by spending more money on the railways, rather than the roads. In conclusion, investing on railways contributes more benefits on roads. It brings the cheaper way of transportation and cause less pollution to the environment. I believe that the world would be better if the governments invest more on the railways.
There is an ongoing controversy that whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should spend money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
are better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
.
However
, in my opinion, I believe that spending money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more benefit than using it for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
for several reasons.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
is the cheaper way to travel than car or bus.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should access the public transport with the minimum cost and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide the sufficient support for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
can carry more than a hundred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it is one of the most economical
Please check whether a plural form of 'transportation' should be used.
transportation
.
For instance
, in my country, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
cost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
5 pounds
to travel from Bangkok to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chiangmai
, compared to the bus, which cost
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
12 pounds
.
Clearly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
is the low-price transportation than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
vehicle,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should invest on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
more to ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the reasonable public transportation.

Second, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways’
system emit less pollution than the other transport in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads’
system. Nowadays, most cars
still
need oil to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
to possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
.
Consequently
, the carbon was produce a lot from the car engines, damaging the environment and harming the living creatures.
In contrast
, there are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
innovations that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
other clean energy, such as electricity, to propel the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
instead
of oil. This innovation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
significant level of environment problems that humans are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
facing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
ought to persuade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this clean technology by spending more money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
,
rather
than the roads.

In conclusion
, investing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
contributes more benefits on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
. It brings the cheaper way of transportation and cause less pollution to the environment. I believe that the world would be better if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
invest more on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Governments should spend money on railways rather thanroads. with this statement? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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