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Do you agree or disagree? It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days for shorter hours. v.157

It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days for shorter hours. v. 157
Work is a very important part of our lives. In order to thrive our world, we have to work hard and to be productive, also we need to work to be a successful person, to pay our bills, and to live in auxiullry life. Even thought some people prefer working five days a week for shorter hours, since they will not have a tension and stress from long hours, personally, I think it is more enjoyable to have a job where I work only three days a week for long hours for two imperative reasons. First, I could spned more time with my family. Through working three days a week, I will have more time to play with my kids and talk with them. Take myself as an example, I' m working for five days so I have to wake up early and to prepare myself, and my kids to go to school, then I dropped them to shcool and go to my job. When I came back home, I was very tired so I do some resposibilities such as cleaning the house, cooking the dinner, helping my children in their homeworks, so I don' t have time to talk with them and to play with them or even to tell them a story. In fact, three weeks ago, my daughter told me that she is very frustrated because I didn' t have time to discuss her problems and to enjoy our time watching movie or eating out. This provides me some information about how I' m dilequent to my children, so I had decided to chang my job or even work for part time. After asking my boss who has a lot of experience and wisdom, she suggested to me to work three days a week for long hours so this will support my family financially and emotionally. After discussing, I told my daughter about this idea and she was very happy. This experience taught me that I have to allocate more time for my children to spend some good time. Second, we will have opportunity to take care of ourselves and relax. In order to enjoy our life, we have to do some interesting to us and also to focus on our hobbies and develop them. For instance, one of my friends has a talent to paint and she has a lot of paintings. Actually, last week, she invited me to see her paintings that are amazing. I was marveled about their paintings because they are enormus and very delicate, and I asked her when she has time to paint and to relax. Surprisingly, she told me that she works three days per week so she has four days free so she spends this time playing tennis, painting and taking care of her self. Also, she got money from her painting because she had participated in an exihbit and her paintings are sold for a good currency. As a result, I realized that working three days a week has a lot of benefits to me and to my family. I definitely will develop my interestes since I love to finish my study in pharmacy, esepecially, clinical pharmacy, so this gave an idea to complete my education and to be a professor in pharmacy school and this will make me more confident and advance my personality. Furthermore, I can divide the four days to relax and go out of the town to mountains because I like that area that relaxes me and makes more active in the life. As we can clearly see working three days a week has alot of advantages to us. By the way of conclusion, based on the arguments explored above, I firmly concur that working three days a week for long hours will improve our life significantly. It has a positive effects for ourselves and our family. We should manage our time to spend it in a good manner because our time is specious and worthwhile.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Work
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In order to thrive our world, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and to be productive,
also
we need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to be a successful person, to pay our bills, and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
auxiullry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
five days a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
for shorter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, since they will not have a tension and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
,
personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is more enjoyable to have a job where I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
three days a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for two imperative reasons.

First
, I could
Possible spelling mistake found.
spned
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
three days a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
, I will have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to play with my kids and talk with them. Take myself as an example,
Possible spelling mistake found.
I&
#039; m
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for five days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wake up early and to prepare myself, and my kids to go to school, then I dropped them to
Possible spelling mistake found.
shcool
and go to my job. When I came back home, I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tired
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
resposibilities
such as cleaning the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, cooking the dinner, helping my children in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
homeworks
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to talk with them and to play with them or even to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
them a story. In fact, three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weeks
ago, my daughter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that she is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
frustrated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
Possible spelling mistake found.
didn&
#039; t have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to discuss her problems and to enjoy our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching movie or eating out. This provides me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information about how
Possible spelling mistake found.
I&
#039; m
Possible spelling mistake found.
dilequent
to my children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I had decided to
Possible spelling mistake found.
chang
my job or even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. After asking my boss who has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
experience and wisdom, she suggested to me to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
three days a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this will support my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
financially
and
emotionally
. After discussing, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
my daughter about this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
idea and
she was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
happy. This experience taught me that I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
allocate more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for my children to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
time.

Second, we will have opportunity to take care of ourselves and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relax
. In order to enjoy our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
interesting to us and
also
to focus on our hobbies and develop them.
For instance
, one of my friends has a talent to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
paint and
she has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paintings
. Actually, last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
, she invited me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paintings
that are amazing. I
was marveled
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paintings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
Possible spelling mistake found.
enormus
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
delicate, and I asked her when she has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to paint and to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relax
.
Surprisingly
, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that she works three days per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
she has four days free
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
she spends this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
playing tennis,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
and taking care of her self.
Also
, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
money from her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she had participated in an
Possible spelling mistake found.
exihbit
and her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paintings
are sold
for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
currency.
As a result
, I realized that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
three days a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits to me and to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. I definitely will develop my
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "interests", the plural form of the noun 'interest'?
interestes
since I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to finish my study in pharmacy,
Possible spelling mistake found.
esepecially
, clinical pharmacy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this gave an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to complete my education and to be a professor in pharmacy school and this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me more confident and advance my personality.
Furthermore
, I can divide the four days to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relax
and go out of the town to mountains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I like that area that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relaxes
me and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
more active in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
we can
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
three days a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
has
Possible spelling mistake found.
alot
of advantages to us.

By the way of conclusion, based on the arguments explored above, I
firmly
concur that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
three days a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
significantly
. It has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects for ourselves and our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. We should manage our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend it in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manner
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is specious and worthwhile.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
60Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Mistakes

IELTS essay It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days for shorter hours. v. 157

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
662 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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