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Some people think that schools are merely turning children into good citizens and workers, rather than benefiting them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that schools are merely turning children into good citizens and workers, rather than benefiting them as individuals. v. 1
In the recent years, children are thought to be benefiting from schools in terms of becoming responsible citizens and employees instead of turning into better individuals. In my view, I disagree that such institutions do not allow growth for children as human beings because it provides many opportunities for maturity that they need to prosper into the future. A good reason why schools promote individuals’ growth is that while in it, children can develop their abilities and improve strengths. With the teachers’ guidance, they are able to do such task. In Montessori schools, for instance, teachers allow students to learn according to their preference. Children there can learn math and science creatively, if that’s their strength, like counting beads or growing their own plants. Helping children, therefore in this path could lead them to further develop their skills, and become talented individuals in the future. Another reason that shows schools are beneficial for individuals would be the higher chance of learning communication effectively. As children engage themselves in school, they learn how to deal with different people within their surroundings. A number of reports show that a lot of students who were socially awkward at first learn to be comfortable around people because of developing friends at school. In addition, being in school permits them to communicate their feelings and emotions to their classmates and teachers, benefitting them more, especially in terms of growing as mature and effective communicators. To conclude, schools are still beneficial to children in terms of their growth as individuals as it improves one’s potentials and ability to socialize with others.
In the recent years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be benefiting from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in terms of becoming responsible citizens and employees
instead
of turning into better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
. In my view, I disagree that such institutions do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
growth for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as human beings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities for maturity that they need to prosper into the future.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals’
growth is that while in it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can develop their abilities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
strengths. With the teachers’ guidance, they are able to do such task. In Montessori
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
for instance
, teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
students to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
according to their preference.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
there can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
math and science
creatively
, if that’s their strength, like counting beads or growing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
plants. Helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
therefore
in this path could lead them to
further
develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, and become talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
in the future.

Another reason that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
would be the higher chance of learning communication
effectively
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
engage themselves in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
within their surroundings. A number of reports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
students who were
socially
awkward at
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to be comfortable around
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of developing friends at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
In addition
, being in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
permits them to communicate their feelings and emotions to their classmates and teachers,
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitting
them more,
especially
in terms of growing as mature and effective communicators.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are
still
beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in terms of their growth as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
one’s potentials and ability to socialize with others.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think that schools are merely turning children into good citizens and workers, rather than benefiting them as individuals. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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