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Some people think the fittest and strongest individuals and teams will win in sports, while others believe it is those who have a good mental attitude will win in the end. v.1

Some people think the fittest and strongest individuals and teams will win in sports, while others believe it is those who have a good mental attitude will win in the end. v. 1
Some hold a belief that sports players and teams with the best physical strength will achieve victory, whereas others consider those having a healthy mental attitude will win after all. This essay firmly advocates the latter view that mentality-related factors play a crucial role in the winning of sports teams and players despite the significance of physical strength. In this essay, the two notions above would be thoroughly discussed. As mentioned earlier, many deem the sports teams with most athletic players would easily win the games. This thought probably derives from the general conception that all sports require physical strength as a competitive advantage for winning. However, the viewpoint faces disapproval since besides physical requirement, an appropriate strategy is also essential, and in some cases, the reasonable strategy can even outweigh the physical prowess in sports. Take Barcelona Football Club as an example where the fitness of various professional players is not as ideal as other teams' players, especially Messi. However, the Blaugrana has become the world champion many times already due to their notorious tiki-taka strategy that requires the flexibility in moving than using much physical strength. Also, Messi, a 169cm-tall professional soccer player that is far shorter than his colleagues worldwide, has been the world's best soccer players for six times over the decade already due to his outstanding skills. On the other hand, some people consider the first mentality of players as the main factor for their teams to win the match. This opinion might emerge from those competitors already attaining a certain level that meets the general standard of the competition. Therefore, the only chief element contributing to the difference between teams and individuals is their mental attitude, such as bravery or determination. The opinion appears to be true because, in many actual cases, underestimated teams or individuals were able to win the game thanks to their decent morale and the contempt of their competitors displaying toward them. Take the Vietnam U-23 football team as an example. As they were new and usually underrated, their competitors did not take them seriously. The Vietnam team, as a result, defeated them one by one and straightly made it to the final game due to their extremely high determination throughout the tournament. To conclude, although advocates of fitness and physical strength in sports might deem these two factors inevitable for players and teams to win, this essay sides with the opposing view that those having a right mental attitude will win at the end.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
hold a belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
with the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strength
will achieve victory, whereas others consider those having a healthy mental attitude will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
after all
. This essay
firmly
advocates the latter view that mentality-related factors play a crucial role in the winning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
despite the significance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strength
. In this essay, the two notions above would be
thoroughly
discussed.

As mentioned earlier,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
deem the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
with most athletic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
would
easily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
the games. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
probably
derives from the general conception that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strength
as a competitive advantage for winning.
However
, the viewpoint faces disapproval since
besides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
requirement, an appropriate strategy is
also
essential, and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, the reasonable strategy can even outweigh the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
prowess in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Take Barcelona Football Club as an example where the fitness of various professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
is not as ideal as other teams'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
,
especially
Messi.
However
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Blaugrana
has become the world champion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times already due to their notorious
Possible spelling mistake found.
tiki-taka
strategy that requires the flexibility in
Use "(moving)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
moving
than using much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strength
.
Also
, Messi, a
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "169 cm"
169cm
-tall professional soccer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
that is
far shorter than his colleagues worldwide, has been the world's best soccer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
for six times over the decade already due to his outstanding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider the
first
mentality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
as the main factor for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
the match. This opinion might emerge from those competitors already attaining a certain level that meets the general standard of the competition.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
chief element contributing to the difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
and individuals is their mental attitude, such as bravery or determination. The opinion appears to be true
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
actual cases, underestimated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
or individuals were able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
the game thanks to their decent morale and the contempt of their competitors displaying toward them. Take the Vietnam U-23 football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
as an example. As they were new and
usually
underrated, their competitors did not take them
seriously
. The Vietnam
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
,
as a result
, defeated them one by one and
straightly
made it to the final game due to their
extremely
high determination throughout the tournament.

To conclude
, although advocates of fitness and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strength
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
might deem these two factors inevitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
, this essay sides with the opposing view that those having a right mental attitude will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think the fittest and strongest individuals and teams will win in sports, while others believe it is those who have a good mental attitude will win in the end. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
415 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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