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Due the advancement in computer technology the trend of working from home will bring a dramatic change to people’s lives. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your opinion and examples. v.1

Due the advancement in computer technology the trend of working from home will bring a dramatic change to people’s lives. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your opinion and examples. v. 1
We are living in the heyday of computer technology and it has altered people’s tendency to work. Tele-working is so common currently. This emerging work style has some interesting advantages and also bears some disadvantages. First of all, working at home assists people to save their time because they can perform their profession tasks concur with mundane household chores. So they will have more leisure time and this, in turn, will elevate satisfaction of the life. They can not only spend more time in conjunction with their children at home but also they can save more money because neither recruitment of the babysitter or enrol their children in kindergarten is not necessary; they are home and can take care their children coincide with doing their duties. Furthermore, the severe pressure from the workplace will reduce since people feel more convenient in their own home instead of the office while they are accomplishing routine job. Working at home in where do not have any in-person clients, they can likely work in the quiet atmosphere and therefore their efficiency will rise. On the other hand, tele-working leads to people to become over time secluded because of less connection with others. In the workplace, they consult with other employees when they expose with some problems at work. They share their experiences with others and indeed the workplace is a good site to learn novel knowledge from the colleagues. So the consultation and the using the others’ excellent comments will extinguish owing to less physical communication with staff caused by tele-working. Moreover, the risk of chronic diseases may enhance due to the possibility of performance of the physical activities which people can do during commute to the office such as walking and riding bicycles will reduce. In conclusion, technological advance is revolutionizing the lifestyle around the world and one evident alteration is the growing number of tele-working and I believe that it will be so beneficial change if people consider the other variations that are fundamental to have a healthy life and to operate the prefect productivity of all human resources to achieve the supreme outcomes from tele-working.
We are living in the heyday of computer technology and it has altered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
tendency to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tele-working
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
common
currently
. This emerging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
style has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
interesting advantages and
also
bears
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, working at home assists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can perform their profession tasks concur with mundane household chores.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they will have more leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and this, in turn, will elevate satisfaction of the life. They can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in conjunction with their children at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they can save more money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
neither recruitment of the babysitter or enrol their children in kindergarten is not necessary; they are home and can take care their children coincide with doing their duties.

Furthermore
, the severe pressure from the workplace will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel more convenient in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home
instead
of the office while they are accomplishing routine job. Working at home in where do not have any in-person clients, they can likely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the quiet atmosphere and
therefore
their efficiency will rise.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
Possible spelling mistake found.
tele-working
leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
secluded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of less connection with others. In the workplace, they consult with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
employees when they expose with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. They share their experiences with others and
indeed
the workplace is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
site to learn novel knowledge from the colleagues.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the consultation and the using the others’ excellent comments will extinguish owing to less physical communication with staff caused by
Possible spelling mistake found.
tele-working
.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of chronic diseases may enhance due to the possibility of performance of the physical activities which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can do during commute to the office such as walking and riding bicycles will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.

In conclusion
, technological advance is revolutionizing the lifestyle around the world and one evident alteration is the growing number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
tele-working
and I believe that it will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
beneficial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
variations that are fundamental to have a healthy life and to operate the prefect productivity of all human resources to achieve the supreme outcomes from
Possible spelling mistake found.
tele-working
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Due the advancement in computer technology the trend of working from home will bring a dramatic change to people’s lives. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your opinion and examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
354 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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