Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Modern Children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered? v.8

Modern Children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered? v. 8
New generation kid's are suffering from the sickness which were meant for adult's. With an increase in today's generation different types of junk and unhealthy cuisine are becoming more popular which make children more fat. In this essay I would like to express my point of view and its causes and what we can do it overcome it. To start with, with increase in different types of junk food available to us, kid's tends to eat them more often for their taste. But, less they know that how much harmful they are towards their health. Due, to obesity they are prone to many different types of diseases which also affect their physical capability. For instance, if there was to conduct a physical test the children's which obesity would not be able to perform at the same level as the kid's who are more healthy and fit in the game's such as running, climbing, football, basketball etc. Secondly, parents should also look after their kids and check what they consume and provide them with more healthy meal which contain more protein then fat. Also, to overcome this the school's should conduct a campaign to educate the children's about its disadvantage's and how it affect their body's. To control this they could start a special physical class in school and out of school they should do more exercise which not only benefit their body and saved them from obesity, but also make them more active and prevent them from getting any kind of diseases. To summarize, in my opinion with all the explaining and examples given about I believe that a healthy diet is the best way of life. We do require some amount of fat in our diet, but eating too much of it can also affect in a very bad way. Fast foodstuff's are the most common foods which conducts more of fat and which makes it tastier, but we should also know that consuming them how it affect us so we should only eat them in a limit.
New generation
Consider using the plural form here: "kids".
kid's
are suffering from the sickness which
were meant
for adult's. With an increase in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's generation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of junk and unhealthy cuisine are becoming more popular which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
children more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
. In this essay I would like to express my point of view and its causes and what we can do it overcome it.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, with increase in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of junk food available to us, kid's tends to eat them more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
for their taste.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, less they know that how much harmful they are towards their health.
Did you mean to use the verb "do"?
Due
, to obesity they are prone to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of diseases which
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
their physical capability.

For instance
, if there was to conduct a physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
the children's which obesity would not be able to perform at the same level as the kid's who are more healthy and fit in the game's such as running, climbing, football, basketball etc.

Secondly
, parents should
also
look after their kids and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
what they consume and provide them with more healthy meal which contain more protein
Did you mean "than"?
then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
.
Also
, to overcome this the school's should conduct a campaign to educate the children's about its disadvantage's and how it
Did you mean "affects"?
affect
their body's. To control this they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a special physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in school and out of school they should do more exercise which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefit their body and saved them from obesity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more active and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from getting any kind of diseases.

To summarize
, in my opinion with all the explaining and examples
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
about I believe that a healthy diet is the best way of life. We do require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
in our diet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
eating too much of it can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
way.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
foodstuff's are the most common foods which conducts more of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
and which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it tastier,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we should
also
know that consuming them how it
Did you mean "affects"?
affect
us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
eat them in a limit.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Modern Children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered? v. 8

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
339 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts