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some people think that zoos are cruel and that zoo should be closed, some people think that zoos are useful for protecting rare animals. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

some people think that zoos are cruel and that zoo should be closed, some people think that zoos are useful for protecting rare animals. v. 2
Some people are of the opinion that zoo are inhuman and need to be banned forever In order to conserved extinct wildlife while others find that zoos can provide a sanctuary for endangered animals and should be kept open. In my opinion, it is an urgent need to ban zoos that ill-treat wildlife for their own profitable organization. On the one hand, many people think that zoos can be unsuitable habitats for wildlife animals therefore, they must be abolished. Some people consider zoos to be cruel environment where the zoo owner camouflage their cruelty with conservation claim. Wild animals supposed to be remain free in their natural habitats as in the zoos they are forced to breed or entertain the crowd, due to which they fall sick. Several wild creatures, who stay at these artificial environments do not behave like their usual counterparts. To illustrate, polar bear can hardly walk for 5 meters when kept in cage whereas in their Artic home they roam for hundreds of kilometers. On the other hand, there are some people who believe that, zoos provide safe place to rehabilitate potentially lost species. Man-made activities such as construction of factory premises by cutting down forests and hunting make wildlife not safe place to live. Many animals in zoos are well treated and live longer than they would in the wild. For instance, Project Tiger in India assist to conserve our national animal. Besides this, breeding programs are also practiced at zoos in order to save the endangered species. Talking everything into account, some people believe that zoo are inhuman and need to be shut down, others think that wildlife sanctuaries are the perfect place to conserve endangered animals. However, in my view point, zoo need to treat wildlife with better care and stop manhandling them for entertainment purpose.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion
The verb 'are' is plural. Did you mean: "that zoo is"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
that zoo are
inhuman and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
be banned
forever In order to
Did you mean "conserve"?
conserved
extinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
while others find that zoos can provide a sanctuary for endangered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
open. In my opinion, it is an urgent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to ban zoos that ill-treat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
profitable organization.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that zoos can be unsuitable habitats for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
therefore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be abolished
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider zoos to be cruel environment where the zoo owner camouflage their cruelty with conservation claim. Wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
supposed to be
Consider using a past participle here: "remained".
remain
free in their natural habitats as in the zoos they
are forced
to breed or entertain the crowd, due to which they fall sick. Several wild creatures, who stay at these artificial environments do not behave like their usual counterparts. To illustrate, polar bear can hardly walk for 5 meters when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in cage whereas in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
Artic
home they roam for hundreds of kilometers.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that, zoos provide safe place to rehabilitate
potentially
lost species.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Man
-made activities such as construction of factory premises by cutting down forests and hunting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
not safe place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in zoos are well treated and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer than they would in the wild.
For instance
, Project Tiger in India assist to conserve our national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
.
Besides
this, breeding programs are
also
practiced at zoos in order to save the endangered species.

Talking everything into account,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that zoo are inhuman and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
be shut
down, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
sanctuaries are the perfect place to conserve endangered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
However
, in my view point, zoo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to treat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
with better care and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
manhandling them for entertainment purpose.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay some people think that zoos are cruel and that zoo should be closed, some people think that zoos are useful for protecting rare animals. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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