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Some people think that zoos are cruel and that all zoos should be closed. However, others think that zoos are useful for protecting rare animals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that zoos are cruel and that all zoos should be closed. However, others think that zoos are useful for protecting rare animals. v. 1
Zoos are a popular destination to spend time and learn interesting facts about the wild animals. Some people claim that zoos are merciless towards animals and should be banned, while others argue that, that is not the case. In this essay I will examine both the perspectives and provide an opinion. Zoos can be unsuitable for many wild animals due to violent treatment against them, therefore facilities like these should be abolished. Some people consider zoos to be a cruel environment where zoo owners camouflage their cruelty with conversational claims. Besides, wild animals are supposed to be in their natural habitat and being encaged and expected to entertain people, causes them to feel sick. Several wild animals, which stay in artificial environments do not behave as their usual counterparts. For example, polar bears can barely walk for 10 meters while in captivity, whereas in the Arctic they roam for hundreds of kilometres. Nevertheless, with human exploitation of forests steal wild animals of their natural habitat. Poaching is also a major reason for the diminishing population of rare wild animals. Hence people feel that zoos can be useful as they can protect the animals, especially the rarer ones, from being extinct. Also, with trained staff and safer environment they can have healthier lifestyles and produce offspring. Furthermore, zoos have veterinarians to treat and maintain the health of the animals. In conclusion, zoos need to treat wildlife with care and stop manhandling them for entertainment purposes. According to me, they play a vital role in protecting the endangered animals, however, providing a more realistic environment could help the animals feel more comfortable.
Zoos are a popular destination to spend time and learn interesting facts about the wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that zoos are merciless towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and should
be banned
, while others argue that,
that is
not the case. In this essay I will examine both the perspectives and provide an opinion.

Zoos can be unsuitable for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
due to violent treatment against them,
therefore
facilities like these should
be abolished
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider zoos to be a cruel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
where zoo owners camouflage their cruelty with conversational claims.
Besides
, wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are supposed
to be in their natural habitat and being
Possible spelling mistake found.
encaged
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to entertain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, causes them to feel sick. Several wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, which stay in artificial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environments
do not behave as their usual counterparts.
For example
, polar bears can
barely
walk for 10 meters while in captivity, whereas in the Arctic they roam for hundreds of
Possible spelling mistake. 'kilometres' is British English.
kilometres
.

Nevertheless
, with human exploitation of forests steal wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
of their natural habitat. Poaching is
also
a major reason for the diminishing population of rare wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that zoos can be useful as they can protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
especially
the rarer ones, from being extinct.
Also
, with trained staff and safer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
they can have healthier lifestyles and produce offspring.
Furthermore
, zoos have veterinarians to treat and maintain the health of the animals.

In conclusion
, zoos need to treat wildlife with care and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
manhandling them for entertainment purposes.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, they play a vital role in protecting the endangered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
however
, providing a more realistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
feel more comfortable.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that zoos are cruel and that all zoos should be closed. However, others think that zoos are useful for protecting rare animals. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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