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Some people believed that entertainers are more important than scientists. Do you agree or disagree? v.5

Some people believed that entertainers are more important than scientists. v. 5
There are different types of people in the society, where we live. Some of these are entertainers, while others are scientists. Every individual has a specific role & responsibility in life. According to some people, entertainers are more precious, whereas another set of humans considers scientists to be of more importance. However, I totally disagree that humans from an entertainment background are more crucial. First of all, it is quite necessary in life to grow & move ahead. In order to achieve this new inventions play a major role. Also, the economy of a nation is hugely effected by such brainchild of these technologists. The output of researchers, in the form of services has contributed a lot to mankind in history. People from the scientific background creates new things, that helps a common man in day to day life. For instance, washing-machine, air-conditioner etc. We are all given to us by some intellects of our past. Apart from this, the treatment of many deadly diseases is possible now, due to the growth of science & technology. On the other hand, there is a flock of guys, who makes us laugh & happy. I agree that being jolly is good for us & our surroundings as well, but the key point is that we can do all this on our own also. Our ancestors had no such source of enjoyment, still they were satisfied and merry. Another disadvantage of the entertainment industry is that, a lot of youngsters waste their precious amount of time by simply watching these people. For example, a recent survey by " The Times" shows that 80% of the youth squander their hour of viewing television, movies, shows etc. In conclusion, I would say everything & everyone plays a key role on earth. Some do it by entertaining others, whereas others do it by inventing. From the viewpoint of success of humanity, scientific industry is far better.
There are
different
types of
people
in the society, where we
live
.
Some
of these are entertainers, while others are scientists. Every individual has a specific role & responsibility in life. According to
some
people
, entertainers are more precious, whereas another set of humans considers scientists to be of more importance.
However
, I
totally
disagree that humans from an entertainment background are more crucial.

First of all
, it is quite necessary in life to grow &
move
ahead. In order to achieve this new inventions play a major role.
Also
, the economy of a nation is
hugely
effected by such brainchild of these technologists. The output of researchers, in the form of services has contributed a lot to mankind in history.
People
from the scientific background creates new things, that
helps
a common
man
in day to day life.
For instance
, washing-machine, air-conditioner etc. We are all
given
to us by
some
intellects of our past. Apart from this, the treatment of
many
deadly diseases is possible
now
, due to the growth of science & technology.

On the
other
hand, there is a flock of guys, who
makes
us laugh & happy. I
agree
that being jolly is
good
for us & our surroundings
as well
,
but
the key point is that we can do all this on our
own
also
. Our ancestors had no such source of enjoyment,
still
they
were satisfied
and merry. Another disadvantage of the entertainment industry is that,
a lot of
youngsters waste their precious amount of time by
simply
watching these
people
.
For example
, a recent survey by
"
The Times
"
shows
that 80% of the youth squander their hour of viewing television, movies,
shows
etc.

In conclusion
, I would say everything & everyone plays a key role on earth.
Some
do it by entertaining others, whereas others do it by inventing. From the viewpoint of success of humanity, scientific industry is far better.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believed that entertainers are more important than scientists. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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