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Some people think that zoos are cruel and all the zoos should be closed. However, other people think that zoos are useful to protect the rare animals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.8

Some people think that zoos are cruel and all the zoos should be closed. However, other people think that zoos are useful to protect the rare animals. v. 8
In the salad days of the millennium, the society is polarised into two groups almost equally. Regarding the notion that, whether the zoos should be closed due to its intensive cruel or we should open widely in order to protect rare animals. However, different people have their distinct mindset. In my opinion, we should retain zoos to protect limited animals from their extinction. The following paragraphs would shed light on both the approaches before making a final note. To commence with the first notion, there are myriad things to share in its favour. It is understandable that caging animal in the zoo is brutal and so it should be abandoned for some reasons. Keeping animals in captivity is unethical. Regard to that human is a dominating kind on the planet, but we have no right to use animals for entertainment. Moreover, wildlife parks exhibit animals with the aim of making profit. Therefore, It turns out that such animals will be caged underprivileged conditions, for the long-term, they will lose their instinct to hunt food or even died. According to some report, there was a polar bear called "Winter" died in the zoo in Bruenos Aires in 2012 because of the harsh temperature. Shifting towards the second school of thought, there are still positive impacts within protect endangered species. Zoos are an artificial environment that has been made by people form wild animals, especially for those who are on the brink of disappear such as pandas or rhinos. This allows scientists to study animal behaviour. Another consideration of zoos is that they employ a large number of people, thus providing job opportunities and income for local residents. In conclusion, we cannot deny that both sides are well-grounded. Although zoo plays an important role in wildlife conservation, I would argue that government should take serious steps in order to give more realistic living environment compared with their natural environment.
In the salad days of the millennium, the society is
Possible spelling mistake. 'polarised' is British English.
polarised
into two groups almost
equally
. Regarding the notion that, whether the zoos should
be closed
due to its intensive
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cruel or
we should open
widely
in order to protect rare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have their distinct mindset. In my opinion, we should retain zoos to protect limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
from their extinction. The following paragraphs would shed light on both the approaches
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making a final note.

To commence with the
first
notion, there are myriad things to share in its
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
. It is understandable that caging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
in the zoo is brutal and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it should
be abandoned
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons. Keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in captivity is unethical. Regard to that human is a dominating kind on the planet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we have no right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for entertainment.
Moreover
, wildlife parks exhibit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
with the aim of making profit.
Therefore
, It turns out that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
will
be caged
underprivileged conditions, for the long-term, they will lose their instinct to hunt food or even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
report, there was a polar bear called
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Winter
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
in the zoo in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bruenos
Aires in 2012
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the harsh temperature.

Shifting towards the second school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts within protect endangered species. Zoos are an artificial environment that has
been made
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
form wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
especially
for those who are on the brink of disappear such as pandas or rhinos. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
scientists to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. Another consideration of zoos is that they employ
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
thus
providing job opportunities and income for local residents.

In conclusion
, we cannot deny that both sides are well-grounded. Although zoo plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in wildlife conservation, I would argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take serious steps in order to give more realistic living environment compared with their natural environment.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Some people think that zoos are cruel and all the zoos should be closed. However, other people think that zoos are useful to protect the rare animals. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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