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Children should be given free laptops when they start high school. do you agree or disagree? v.1

Children should be given free laptops when they start high school. v. 1
Nowadays there is a topic that discusses whether parents should give the free laptops to their children who start high school. Some people suggest that giving the laptops to them have several disadvantages, for example, children are likely to be addicted to it so make them achieve lower academic achievement, on the other hand, there are also many people who strongly advocate that giving free laptops to children have many advantages such as, they can get relieved by using it. For my part I completely agree with the latter point of view. The reasons are presented below. The first reason that needs to consider is that nowadays high school students, in particular Asian pupils are very stressful in every single day because they need to compete with someone for getting higher scores so they need to get relived from competitions fortunately, they can use the laptops to rest such as, watching movies and listening to musics and playing several online games as well. By getting enough rest they can improve their learning efficiency. The second reason that parents need to consider is that they can easily get the information from online, as a result, it is helpful to make them achieve academic performance. The third and very important reason is that in contemporary society, people need to know how to use computers in particular, when a person tries to hunt a job so it is good for children that approach laptops earlier. From what have been discussed I can draw the simple conclusion that giving laptops to children who start high school have many advantages. By using it pupils not only can get relieved from stressful daily life, but also can get various information that they want to know, furthermore, they can learn how to use computers, which is a very important skill that will be required when a person decide to hunt a job
Nowadays there is a topic that discusses whether parents should give the free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
high school.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest that giving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
to them have several disadvantages,
for example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are likely to
be addicted
to it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them achieve lower academic achievement,
on the other hand
, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
strongly
advocate that giving free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages such as, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relieved by using it. For my part I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter point of view. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
are presented
below.

The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to consider is that nowadays high school students,
in particular
Asian pupils are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
stressful in every single day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to compete with someone for getting higher scores
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relived from competitions
fortunately
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
to rest such as, watching movies and listening to musics and playing several online games
as well
. By getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
rest they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their learning efficiency. The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
that parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to consider is that they can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the information from online,
as a result
, it is helpful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them achieve academic performance. The third and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that in contemporary society,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers
in particular
, when a person tries to hunt a job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that approach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
earlier.

From what have
been discussed
I can draw the simple conclusion that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
high school have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages. By using it pupils not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relieved from stressful daily life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
various information that they want to know,
furthermore
, they can learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers, which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
that will
be required
when a person decide to hunt a
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
job
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Children should be given free laptops when they start high school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
314 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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