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Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc to serve society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.9

Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc to serve society. 9
It is an irrefutable fact that, the issue of development of young people in this day has activated a new round of debate like; a hot potato. A host of people argues that young people should have further education, whereas others think instead having a career as a junior worker should be chosen by the young while, I have some viewpoint regarding this essay which I shall explain about the upcoming paragraph before reaching at any relevant conclusion. To embark with, further schooling will provide more opportunities to the young in the future. First and foremost, young people can learn professional knowledge systematically in the university also Corporation prefers their staff having a higher learning the main reason is that, It is the development process of the society along with a bachelor degree the student will have more difficult to find a favourable job today if a person's competitor has a master's degree. For instance; doctors should have professional knowledge to care patients And do surgery. From a different perspective, works like car mechanics or builders will provide chances for young people to gain money in their early age. Nowadays, the cost of living has jumped steadily. Working at an early age will help the young more independent. In addition, the practical experience is the best teacher for young people. Builders will not build a well- planned building due to they just know the basic theoretical knowledge from their subject books. In conclusion, I personally believe that, gaining money is a vital activity in people life's. However, having professional study will give us a brighter future.
It is an irrefutable fact that, the issue of development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in this day has activated a new round of debate like; a hot potato. A host of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argues that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have
further
education, whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
instead
having a career as a junior worker should
be chosen
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
while, I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
viewpoint regarding this essay which I shall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
about the upcoming paragraph
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching at any relevant conclusion.

To embark with,
further
schooling will provide more opportunities to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
in the future.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn professional knowledge
systematically
in the university
also
Corporation prefers their staff having a higher learning the main reason is that, It is the development process of the society along with a bachelor degree the student will have more difficult to find a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
if a person's competitor has a master's degree.
For instance
; doctors should have professional knowledge to care patients And do surgery.

From a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspective, works like car mechanics or builders will provide chances for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to gain money in their early age. Nowadays, the cost of living has jumped
steadily
. Working at an early age will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
more independent.
In addition
, the practical experience is the best teacher for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Builders will not build a well- planned building due to they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
know the basic theoretical knowledge from their subject books.

In conclusion
, I
personally
believe that, gaining money is a vital activity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
life's.
However
, having professional study will give us a brighter future.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc to serve society. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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