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Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc to serve society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.7

Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc to serve society. v. 7
The highest institution of the educational system is the university. It is a broad system of schooling, and offers a wide range of subjects. It is necessary for the youth to admit the academy, and broaden their knowledge. People receive their basic knowledge at home, and then in the educational institutes. The university poses the highest rank of this system. Young people seeking higher study get admitted to this educational institution, and obtain higher degrees. The academy provides different types of subjects. Students around the world go to their favourite school, and obtain degrees in their preferred subjects. For instance, a lot of students from Bangladesh get admission in the overseas universities, and obtain post graduation degrees in subjects, such as law, biology, technology, and so on. On the other hand, some students go to work after their school. These students complete their diploma, and join in automobile or technological company. These companies offer them a handsome salary, and they do their job for that company. Additionally, some students remain unable to get a chance in admitting varsity. This is because, their economic background is not enough strong. Those students then join any job, and support their parents. In conclusion, it can be said that students who have passion for higher discipline, get admission in the academy. On the contrary, some of them having a tendency to go to the varsity remains unable due to their financial lacking. It is, therefore, necessary in some cases to obtain a degree from an educational institution, and doing a part time job.
The highest institution of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
system is the university. It is a broad system of schooling, and offers a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. It is necessary for the youth to admit the academy, and broaden their knowledge.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
receive their basic knowledge at home, and then in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
institutes. The university poses the highest rank of this system. Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
seeking higher study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admitted to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
institution, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
obtain
higher degrees.

The academy provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
around the world go to their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
school, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
obtain
degrees in their preferred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from Bangladesh
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admission in the overseas universities, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
obtain
post graduation degrees in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, such as law, biology, technology, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
go to work after their school. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
complete their diploma, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in automobile or technological
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
offer them a handsome salary, and they do their job for that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
remain unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance in admitting varsity. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, their economic background is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
strong. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
any job, and support their parents.

In conclusion
, it can
be said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who have passion for higher discipline,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admission in the academy.
On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them having a tendency to go to the varsity remains unable due to their financial lacking. It is,
therefore
, necessary in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
obtain
a degree from an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
institution, and doing a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
job.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc to serve society. v. 7

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
259 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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