Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work to serve society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.5

Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work to serve society. v. 5
It is often argued that whether young ones need to get a college degree to advance their knowledge or they should start right away to work life in order to make good implementations to their society. Throughout this essay, I will discuss both opinions and give my view which favours the latter. Those who believe young people need to enter the labour market without a need for university degree often thinks, the experience which may only take from the field would have a crucial part in advanced their work skills moreover to contribute their society. This is because the academic knowledge is generally not answering day-to-day work-related problems since its components mainly based on theories. For example, a recent study showed that many university students think the field internships provide more practical knowledge than the college courses since they find a chance to observe and see possible conflicts and solutions by being present. On the other hand, university education gives greater understanding to sophisticated problems. The reason for this, during the college years, students do not only learn knowledge which is specifically related to their fields but also from wide-range approaches and aspects. This allows students to build a broad understanding of different kinds of problem, where in their further working life they can apply these varied knowledges on the upcoming duties. Take an example of a civil engineer and a building technician, they both working in the construction industry, however, one of them mainly applies the regulations that suggested by the other. To conclude, although entering the job market allows young people to gain experience and contribute their society, I believe that higher education is a must, since it can allow young individuals with a sophisticated knowledge where in further working life these are can be extremely crucial and the community will benefit at a large.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ones need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a college degree to advance their
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
knowledge or
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
right away to work life in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
implementations to their society. Throughout this essay, I will discuss both opinions and give my view which
Possible spelling mistake. 'favours' is British English.
favours
the latter.

Those who believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need to enter the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market without a need for university degree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
, the experience which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
take from the field would have a crucial part in advanced their work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
moreover
to contribute their society. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
is
generally
not answering day-to-day work-related problems since its components
mainly
based on theories.
For example
, a recent study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
university students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the field internships provide more practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
than the college courses since they find a chance to observe and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
possible conflicts and solutions by being present.

On the other hand
, university education gives greater understanding to sophisticated problems. The reason for this, during the college years, students do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
which is
specifically
related to their fields
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
from wide-range approaches and aspects. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
students to build a broad understanding of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of problem, where in their
further
working life they can apply these varied
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges on
the upcoming duties. Take an example of a civil engineer and a building technician, they both working in the construction industry,
however
, one of them
mainly
applies the regulations that suggested by the other.

To conclude
, although entering the job market
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to gain experience and contribute their society, I believe that higher education is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
, since it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals with a sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
where in
further
working life these are can be
extremely
crucial and the community will benefit at a large.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work to serve society. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts