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Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.4

Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve society. v. 4
It is often argued that whether young ones need to get a college degree to advance their knowledge or they should start right away to work life in order to make good implementations to their society. Throughout this essay, I will discuss both opinions and give my view which favours the latter. Those who believe young people need to enter work life without university degree often thinks, the experience which may only take from the field would have a crucial part of development in a society. This is because the academic knowledge has not answered day-to-day problems since its components mainly based on theories. For example, many university students think, the field Traineeships provide a more job-related knowledge than their courses as they find a chance to observe and see it’s possible problems at work by being present. On the other hand, university education gives advanced understanding to sophisticated problems. The reason for this is, during the college years, students do not only learn knowledge which is specifically related to their fields but also from wide-range approaches and aspects. This allows students to build a broad understanding to a different kind of problem, where in their further work life it can apply these varied knowledges on their duties. For instance, a civil engineer and a builder technician, they both working on the same field where the building involves, and yet there is a vital difference between these two-job type. To conclude, although starting to work without a university degree allows young people to gain experience in the field, I believe that higher education is a must. Due to the fact that it can allow one with a sophisticated knowledge where in further work life these knowledges can be extremely crucial in order to advance societies.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that whether young ones need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a college degree to advance their
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
knowledge or
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
right away to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
implementations to their society. Throughout this essay, I will discuss both opinions and give my view which
Possible spelling mistake. 'favours' is British English.
favours
the latter.

Those who believe young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need to enter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
degree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
, the experience which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
take from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
would have a crucial part of development in a society. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
has not answered day-to-day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
since its components
mainly
based on theories.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
Traineeships provide a more job-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
than their courses as they find a chance to observe and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it’s possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
by being present.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education gives advanced understanding to sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
The reason for this is
, during the college years, students do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
which is
specifically
related to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
from wide-range approaches and aspects. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
students to build a broad understanding to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, where in their
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
it can apply these varied
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges on
their duties.
For instance
, a civil engineer and a builder technician, they both working on the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
where the building involves, and
yet
there is a vital difference between these two-job type.

To conclude
, although starting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
without a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
degree
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to gain experience in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
, I believe that higher education is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
. Due to the fact that it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
one with a sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
where in
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
these
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges can
be
extremely
crucial in order to advance societies.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve society. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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