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In today's world more work is done by machines do the benefits over weigh the drawbacks of impact on individuals and society. v.1

In today's world more work is done by machines do the benefits over weigh the drawbacks of impact on individuals and society. v. 1
In earlier years, most of the people do work by their own hands and live their lives without any health problems. Whereas in these days, a lot of the people rely on machines for completing their whole types of work as well as now they also suffer from some body issues. There are some notions related to this menace which will be elaborated in subsequent paragraphs. With the passage of time, everything has gone through dramatic development and it is also changing people's way of thinking towards distinct things. Discussing the first and the foremost aspect, there are three predominant factors which affect the society and individuals through the machines. Namely - unemployment, poverty and crimes. As in the unemployment field, if all the works are done by electronic gadgets, then there is no need of the workforce as well as it puts a bad impact on the other two factors, poverty and crimes because whenever people did not do jobs at that time they do not fulfil their needs so they prefer to do some minor crimes like as robbery, theft & so on for fulfilling their basic needs. Moreover, enough use of machines effect on the health since people complete their task by electrical gadgets. As a result, they can suffer from obesity and they can become lazy. To add to this, machines consume too much energy from the natural resources and these sources are non-renewable so if people use these sources more then these will deplete within a few years. However, there are some merits of using machines which cannot be undermined. Electronic gadgets are lucrative for saving the time and there is no need of supervision to do any kind of work as people give command to machines. In some sensitive sectors where human's lives are in danger on that cases machines are useful. To conclude, although there are few points which ensure it is negative for the society as well as for the individuals. While in some risky jobs, machines are acting as a bane. If people use machines for their own benefit, then it may harmful for their health.
In earlier years, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
hands and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
without any health problems. Whereas in these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rely on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
for completing their whole types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they
also
suffer from
Did you mean "somebody"?
some body
issues. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
notions related to this menace which will
be elaborated
in subsequent paragraphs.

With the passage of time, everything has gone through dramatic development and it is
also
changing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's way of thinking towards distinct things. Discussing the
first
and the foremost aspect, there are three predominant factors which affect the society and individuals through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
.
Namely
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
unemployment, poverty and crimes. As in the unemployment field, if all the works
are done
by electronic gadgets, then there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of the workforce
as well
as it puts a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on the other two factors, poverty and crimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
whenever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
did not do jobs at that time they do not fulfil their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they prefer to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor crimes like as robbery, theft &
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on for fulfilling their basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
effect on the health since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
complete their task by electrical gadgets.
As a result
, they can suffer from
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
obesity and
they can become lazy.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
consume too much energy from the natural resources and these sources are non-renewable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these sources more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
then
these will deplete within a few years.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
which cannot
be undermined
. Electronic gadgets are lucrative for saving the time and there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of supervision to do any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give command to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sensitive sectors where human's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
on that cases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
are useful.

To conclude
, although there are few points which ensure it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
for the society
as well
as for the individuals. While in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
risky jobs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
are acting as a bane. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefit, then it
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
may harmful
for their health.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In today's world more work is done by machines do the benefits over weigh the drawbacks of impact on individuals and society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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