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some people think young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should been encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

some people think young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should been encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve society. v. 2
The young people going to the university for their further education are debatable. One side of the crowd thinks that, young people should go to the universities for further education, while on the other side they suggest to work as car mechanics or the builders etc. This essay will discuss both the views and put forward that, it is the individual who needs to make appropriate decisions. One side of the population, suggest that the university will provide a better knowledge than that gained in experience. Moreover, there are plenty of differences between going to the university for education, and gaining a bunch of experience while going to the job. The universities, will create competent professionals, once their education have completed their value also surges up to a great extent. As, an illustration, the doctors will not be formed unless they complete their degree, there are few professional jobs that made the university education as mandatory, whereas there are other fields which also do not require them. On the flip, some argue that the experience makes a man perfect, and in no way, the university education is not going to help for that, and now-a-days all these types of education are not at all practical oriented, all the universities are focused in grades rather than knowledge. To support with clear example, if a person wants to start a hotel, that person does not require any sort of degree, or if a person wants to open up a garment shop, this also does not require a degree. They are more likely to create, young entrepreneurs, which makes them to reach a better position in a long run. Young entrepreneurs also provide a good wealth to the nation. To conclude, there are quite a lot of courses that require a degree and however some does not require. It is the individual, who can make the exact decision, on whether to start their career as young entrepreneurs or as the university graduate.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
for their
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are debatable. One side of the crowd
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
for
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, while on the other side they suggest to work as car mechanics or the builders etc. This essay will discuss both the views and put forward that, it is the individual who needs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
appropriate decisions.

One side of the population, suggest that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
will provide a better knowledge than that gained in experience.
Moreover
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of differences between going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, and gaining a bunch of experience while going to the job. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
, will create competent professionals, once their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
have completed their value
also
surges up to a great extent. As, an illustration, the doctors will not
be formed
unless they complete their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
, there are few professional jobs that made the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as mandatory, whereas there are other fields which
also
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
require
them.

On the flip,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that the experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
perfect, and in no way, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is not going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for that, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
-a-days all these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are not at all practical oriented, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
are focused
in grades
rather
than knowledge. To support with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example, if a person wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a hotel, that person does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
require
any sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
, or if a person wants to open up a garment shop, this
also
does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
require
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
. They are more likely to create,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
entrepreneurs, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them to reach a better position in a long run.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
entrepreneurs
also
provide a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
wealth to the nation.

To conclude
, there are quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
courses that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
require
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
and
however
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
require
. It is the individual, who can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the exact decision, on whether to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their career as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
entrepreneurs or as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
graduate.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay some people think young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should been encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve society. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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