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Some people believe that the fast pace and stress of modern life is having a negative effect on families. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that the fast pace and stress of modern life is having a negative effect on families. v. 1
Family is a very important factor in every human's life to be happy in the world, but nowadays due to the development of the world family bonds are broken of several reasons. It is a controversial argument whether the fast-moving world and depression affect adversely on the family. I totally agree with this opinion because of the fast pace leads to reduce the time with family, and stress leads to arguments among family members. The main reason why I believe, people spend less time with their family. This is due to the family members are very busy with their work and always travel to different places for meetings and business purposes. As well as rushing too much their self to earn money for their families' better life. For example, my father is basically a businessman who spends his time more to improve his business and income, therefore, he spends very less time with family. Another reason why I support that families are being impacted badly is that the pressure of the current lifestyle tends to have more arguments and conflicts with family members because they are mentally disturbed and overstressed which is way up to losing happiness and increases the distance from spouse and children. To illustrate, the recent studies from German government reveals that more divorce and crime occurred in family owing of high pressure and lack of conversation between partners. In conclusion, I completely agree that the rapid pace and stressful factors have bad results on family relationships. Hence family members should try to be more supportive to each other to build the flourish bonds for better life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor in every human's life to be happy in the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays due to the development of the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonds
are broken
of several reasons. It is a controversial argument whether the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-moving world and depression affect
adversely
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
leads to arguments among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.

The main reason why I believe,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. This is due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy with their work and always travel to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places for meetings and business purposes.
As well
as rushing too much their self to earn money for their families' better life.
For example
, my father is
basically
a businessman who spends his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
more to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his business and income,
therefore
, he spends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with family.

Another reason why I support that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are
being impacted
badly
is that the pressure of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
lifestyle tends to have more arguments and conflicts with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are mentally disturbed and
Possible spelling mistake found.
overstressed
which is way up to losing happiness and increases the distance from spouse and children. To illustrate, the recent studies from German
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
reveals that more divorce and crime occurred in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
owing of high pressure and lack of conversation between partners.

In conclusion
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the rapid pace and stressful factors have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
results on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationships.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members should try to be more supportive to each other to build the flourish bonds for better life.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that the fast pace and stress of modern life is having a negative effect on families. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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