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Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force. v. 2
Law enforcement forces help maintain law and order in the country. There is a belief among a group of people that female gender should not be employed as police officers. I strongly disagree with this viewpoint. First and foremost, nowadays every society is working towards the goal of women empowerment and women have equal rights as that of men in every sphere of life, whether it is employment in the military forces, law enforcement or health department. Thus, if a woman wants to work with the police force and has shown her calibre by passing the physical, knowledge and psychological test, then she must be given the opportunity to live her dreams. For instance, one of my school friend passed all the tests and is now working successfully as a detective. Secondly, women can prove to be a great help as they are more organised, responsible and nurturing as compared to the men. These qualities help in solving criminal cases in a faster way by noticing and analysing small details. For example, in Malaysia, it is necessary to have a female officer around when another woman takes a driving test, because it helps in providing a sense of security to the test taker. A study shows that females have better reaction times and survival skills. Therefore, they tend to make better decisions in the crisis times, which helps in maintaining law and order. To conclude, I disagree with the viewpoint that women should not be employed as police officers. Every person is equal before legislation, irrespective of their gender. Hence, there should be no discrimination and talented females must be provided with equal opportunities of employment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Law
enforcement forces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
and order in the country. There is a belief among a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
gender should not
be employed
as police officers. I
strongly
disagree with this viewpoint.

First
and foremost, nowadays every society is working towards the goal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
empowerment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have equal rights as that of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in every sphere of life, whether it is employment in the military forces,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
enforcement or health department.
Thus
, if a woman wants to work with the police force and has shown her
Possible spelling mistake. 'calibre' is British English.
calibre
by passing the physical, knowledge and psychological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
test
, then she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
her dreams.
For instance
, one of my school friend passed all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tests
and is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
working
successfully
as a detective.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can prove to be a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
as they are more
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
, responsible and nurturing as compared to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. These qualities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in solving criminal cases in a faster way by noticing and
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.
For example
, in Malaysia, it is necessary to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
officer around when another woman takes a driving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
test
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in providing a sense of security to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
test
taker. A study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
have better reaction times and survival
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Therefore
, they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better decisions in the crisis times, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in maintaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
and order.

To conclude
, I disagree with the viewpoint that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should not
be employed
as police officers. Every person is equal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
legislation, irrespective of their gender.
Hence
, there should be no discrimination and talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be provided
with equal opportunities of employment.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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