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Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police force or military force, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. What is your opinion? v.1

Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police force or military force, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. What is your opinion? v. 1
People have different views about whether women are capable of performing jobs / working in the police force or the army. In my opinion, despite the difference in physical strength and stamina between the two genders, women can play a significant part in these two areas. The main argument held by some against women serving in the army or becoming a police officer is that it is too demanding for females to qualify. Unlike most normal jobs where men and women are on par with each other, being a soldier or a sergeant requires the applicant to be tough and strong physically and mentally. The work tends to involve a great deal of intensive training, and it can even be dangerous when confronting criminals or hostile forces. Therefore, women, who are generally less sturdy and more fragile, are not the optimal choice for these occupations. However, I agree with other people who contend that this is a narrow view. The fact is that women can play essential roles as men do in police offices and military camps. There are many jobs in these two fields that do not involve physical encounters. For example, nearly all police departments and armies need office clerks to work with documents and engage psychological consultants to help people out with their stress management. Women show obvious advantages over men for these positions because they are often more careful, receptive, and empathetic. In reality, secretarial work and counseling in armed forces and police stations are indeed dominantly taken on by females, and their contribution is not eclipsed by males’ at all. In conclusion, even though females may be less advantaged than males in terms of physical ability, the distinctive gender advantage they hold enables them to be competent at the work in troops and police departments.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are capable of performing jobs / working in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
force or the army. In my opinion, despite the difference in physical strength and stamina between the two genders,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can play a significant part in these two areas.

The main argument held by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
serving in the army or becoming a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
officer is that it is too demanding for females to qualify. Unlike most normal jobs where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are on par with each other, being a soldier or a sergeant requires the applicant to be tough and strong
physically
and mentally. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
tends to involve a great deal of intensive training, and it can even be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
when confronting criminals or hostile forces.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, who are
generally
less sturdy and more fragile, are not the optimal choice for these occupations.

However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who contend that this is a narrow view. The fact is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can play essential roles as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
do in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
offices and military camps. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobs in these two fields that do not involve physical encounters.
For example
,
nearly
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
departments and armies need office clerks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with documents and engage psychological consultants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
out with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
management.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
obvious advantages over
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
for these positions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
more careful, receptive, and empathetic. In reality, secretarial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and counseling in armed forces and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
stations are
indeed
dominantly
taken on by females, and their contribution is not eclipsed by males’ at all.

In conclusion
,
even though
females may be less advantaged than males in terms of physical ability, the distinctive gender advantage they hold enables them to be competent at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in troops and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
departments.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police force or military force, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. What is your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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