Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that women should be able to do whatever job they are qualified for including police work while others think that is it wrong to allow woman to become police officers What is your opinion v.2

Some people think that women should be able to do whatever job they are qualified for including police work while others think that is it wrong to allow woman to become police officers What is your opinion v. 2
Some people believe that women could do any kind of job if they are capable for that; however some other ones considered that the type of the job should be appropriate for the gender. I agree with the first group, everyone would be able to do any kind of job if they trained for and become professional in that field. In this essay, I will discuss the reason of the agreement with the first group. Although women are known as much calmer person than men, they can do the violent job as well. Woman because of their role as a mother, are known so kind and known as a person who brings calmness to the family but, that does not mean they cannot do some kind of job such as becoming a police officer hence it is violent. For example, in our country, we have many successful women who are working in the police station and acting against the criminals. To sum up, it is not true to separate some kind of job for male and female just because the majority of female might not be keen to do that job. The other reason to support my idea is that, if people are able to do something, they absolutely train for that job. It means that, first of all, anybody could be a police officer if they were trained for being an officer. Secondly, they would improve in that field if they practised a lot. So there is no relation between the gender and chose the job or the gender or be a professional. To sum up, practising and training can make anyone a professional in any kind of the job and no matter the person is man or woman. In conclusion, a group of people are in favour of that woman are able to do any kind of the job such as police officer and the other group believe that some jobs are not suitable for women.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
could do any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
if they are capable for that;
however
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other ones considered that the type of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
should be appropriate for the gender. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
first
group, everyone would be able to do any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
if they trained for and become professional in that field. In this essay, I will discuss the reason of the agreement with the
first
group.

Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are known
as much calmer person than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, they can do the violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as well
. Woman
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their role as a mother,
are known
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
and known as a person who brings calmness to the family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, that does not mean they cannot do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
such as becoming a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
officer
hence
it is violent.
For example
, in our country, we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who are working in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
station and acting against the criminals. To sum up, it is not true to separate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for male and female
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the majority of female might not be keen to do that job.

The other reason to support my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is that, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are able to do something, they
absolutely
train for that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. It means that,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
, anybody could be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
officer
if they
were trained
for being an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
officer
.
Secondly
, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
in that field if they
Possible spelling mistake. 'practised' is British English.
practised
a lot.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
there is no relation between the gender and chose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or the gender or be a professional. To sum up,
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
and training can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
anyone a professional in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and no matter the person is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
or woman.

In conclusion
, a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of that woman are able to do any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
officer
and the other group believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are not suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that women should be able to do whatever job they are qualified for including police work while others think that is it wrong to allow woman to become police officers What is your opinion v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts