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Some people think that women should be able to do whatever job they are qualified for including police work while others think that is it wrong to allow woman to become police officers What is your opinion v.1

Some people think that women should be able to do whatever job they are qualified for including police work while others think that is it wrong to allow woman to become police officers What is your opinion v. 1
Money has become a vital part of our life. The current time of technological advancement, one of the most pressing concerns is regarding the given topic, which asserts that, should individuals keep their earnings; not make any contribution as a tariff to the state. I completely agree with this statement and shall explore the same from various aspects in the following paragraphs. First and foremost, some people argue that, paying tax to the administration is just a waste of money. They strength their viewpoint by claiming that, masses make wealth by doing lots of hard work, and then they become eligible to pay levy to the state. But they do not receive any positive outcome, yet. Government facilities mostly do not help them, when they are in any problem. The best epitome of this is that, 'Hindustan Times' published an article about their survey; facility provided in the hospitals and schools is worst. Due to this, most of the financially poor citizens have to go to private hospital for medical help, and pay to private Educational Institute for their children's education as well. So, they do not have any benefit of paying taxes. Moving further, they also claim that, if tax make any contribution in the development of the country; why India does not count as developed countries, such as Canada and America. Moreover, the population of Canada is just around 3. 56 Crore, where as, India has 132. 5 Crore of world's population. So, the executive of India, should get more money from tax. But, still there is a huge difference in the development of these countries. While, India should have the most developed country. The best example to proving this explanation is that, 'World Bank bureau' conducted a survey and found that, about 70% of Indians, living under the poverty line. They do not have the necessary requirements for living: food, shelter and cloth. Thus, it can be ascertained that it is a debatable issue. Although, I believe that people who earn more than a predefined amount of money have to pay taxes, and not for those who earn less than that amount. So, the government should not force any poor person to pay toll. Moreover, the government should take some strict action to overcome the poverty rate, in which more than half of the Indians are living.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
has become a vital part of our life. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
time of technological advancement, one of the most pressing concerns is regarding the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
topic, which asserts that, should individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their earnings; not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any contribution as a tariff to the state. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and shall explore the same from various aspects in the following paragraphs.

First
and foremost,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that, paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
to the administration is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'They'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
They strength
their viewpoint by claiming that, masses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
wealth by doing lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, and then they become eligible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
levy to the state.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they do not receive any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcome,
yet
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
facilities
mostly
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them, when they are in any problem. The best epitome of this is that, 'Hindustan Times' published an article about their survey; facility provided in the hospitals and schools is worst. Due to this, most of the
financially
poor citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to private hospital for medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
to private Educational Institute for their children's education
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they do not have any benefit of paying taxes.

Moving
further
, they
also
claim that, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any contribution in the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
; why India does not count as developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, such as Canada and America.
Moreover
, the population of Canada is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
around 3. 56
Possible agreement error. The noun 'Crore' seems to be countable, so consider using: "crores".
Crore
,
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
, India has 132. 5
Possible agreement error. The noun 'Crore' seems to be countable, so consider using: "crores".
Crore
of world's population.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the executive of India, should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
still
there is a huge difference in the development of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, India should have the most developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. The best example to proving this explanation is that, 'World Bank bureau' conducted a survey and found that, about 70% of Indians, living under the poverty line. They do not have the necessary requirements for living: food, shelter and cloth.

Thus
, it can
be ascertained
that it is a debatable issue. Although, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who earn more than a predefined amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
, and not for those who earn less than that amount.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not force any poor person to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
toll.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strict action to overcome the poverty rate, in which more than half of the Indians are living.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people think that women should be able to do whatever job they are qualified for including police work while others think that is it wrong to allow woman to become police officers What is your opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
390 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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