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Some businesses face problems with new employees who just finished their education and lack some interpersonal skills such as the ability to work in a team. What do you think is the main cause of the problem. How can it be resolved? v.1

Some businesses face problems with new employees who just finished their education and lack some interpersonal skills such as the ability to work in a team. What do you think is the main cause of the problem. How can it be resolved? v. 1
According to the data published recently, there has been a decrease in animal population globally over fifty years by around fifty percent. In my opinion, I believe that creating animal rights groups is one major way to combat this menace. Firstly, in order to reduce the rate at which injustice is meted to animals, it is essential to create animal rights groups. These groups will help increase awareness about the decrease in the population of animals and also educate the world about the importance of preserving the wildlife population. Furthermore, the government can also create laws forbidding the illegal killing of animals, and also set fines for defaulters of the law. For example, after the Nigerian government declared that any animal killer would be sentenced to three years imprisonment, there was a 30 percent decrease in the death of animals. Measures like this will help regulate the illegal killing of animals. Another point to consider is that animal lives can be preserved by the provision of an alternate source of protein for humans. One major reason why there has been a reduction in a wildlife population is that man believes the purpose of animals on earth is mostly to serve as consumption. In order to prevent this myth from spreading, the government has to create awareness about other sources of protein that are as good as the ones gotten from animals. For example, the US government is working with an artificial meat company which provides a burger that tastes exactly like animal meat but is not sourced from an animal. Once the government keeps sponsoring discoveries like this the need to kill animals for food will automatically decrease. In conclusion, in order to preserve wildlife, it is essential that the government punishes anyone that kills any animal and also promote discoveries of alternate source of meat for humans.
According to the data published recently, there has been a decrease in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
globally over fifty years by around fifty percent. In my opinion, I believe that creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
rights groups is one major way to combat this menace.

Firstly
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the rate at which injustice
is meted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, it is essential to create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
rights groups. These groups will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
increase awareness about the decrease in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
also
educate the world about the importance of preserving the wildlife
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
also
create laws forbidding the illegal killing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, and
also
set fines for defaulters of the law.
For example
, after the Nigerian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
declared that any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
killer would
be sentenced
to three years imprisonment, there was a 30 percent decrease in the death of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. Measures like this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
regulate the illegal killing of animals.

Another point to consider is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
can
be preserved
by the provision of an alternate source of protein for humans. One major reason why there has been a reduction in a wildlife
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
believes the purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
on earth is
mostly
to serve as consumption. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this myth from spreading, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
create awareness about other sources of protein that are as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as the ones gotten from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
For example
, the US
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is working with an artificial meat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
which provides a burger that tastes exactly like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
meat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is not sourced from an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
. Once the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
sponsoring discoveries like this the need to kill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for food will
automatically
decrease.

In conclusion
, in order to preserve wildlife, it is essential that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
punishes anyone that kills any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
and
also
promote discoveries of alternate source of meat for humans.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some businesses face problems with new employees who just finished their education and lack some interpersonal skills such as the ability to work in a team. What do you think is the main cause of the problem. How can it be resolved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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