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Some people think that what children watch on television will influence their behaviours. Others think that the time they watch television influences their behaviour most. Discuss both views and give your own opinion? v.2

Some people think that what children watch on television will influence their behaviours. Others think that the time they watch television influences their behaviour most. v. 2
People hold divergent ideas whether the content or the time that children spend on TV programmes impacts their behaviour most. Both views will be discussed in this essay, followed my own opinion that the behaviour of youngsters are influenced by both sides equally. People supporting the idea that children are affected by what they watch on TV may put forth the following reasons. First of all, one of the characteristics of young children is imitating other’s behaviour. If they are exposed to the TV programmes which contain a lot of violent or gory scenes, the possibility of them to mimick such behaviour will increase. In addition, it is acknowledged that children are naturally immature, hence the development of their morals and value system will be impacted by the types of television they watch. One piece of research conducted by America reveals that more than 20% of young criminals blame their illegal behaviour to the wrong social value conveyed by mass media. Nevertheless, those who believe teenagers’ behaviours is mainly influenced by the time they are exposed to screen also possess some sound points. To begin with, the long time spent by young children on TV makes them be vulnerable to some ailments such as short-sightedness and obesity. For instance, the Times has reported that due to the increasing time of watching TV, the rate of children in British who are suffering from eye problems and obesity has grown significantly. Moreover, spending too much time on TV impedes children to cultivate a bonded and closed relationship with their parents, which leads to an isolated living habit and hampers the development of their social skills. In conclusion, I believe the content watched by children and the time they spend in front of TV place an equal value on cultivating teenagers’ behaviour altogether.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
hold divergent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
whether the content or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend on TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
impacts their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
most. Both views will
be discussed
in this essay, followed my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion that the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of youngsters
are influenced
by both sides
equally
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
supporting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
on TV may put forth the following reasons.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, one of the characteristics of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is imitating other’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. If they
are exposed
to the TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
which contain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
violent or gory scenes, the possibility of them to
Possible spelling mistake found.
mimick
such
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
will increase.
In addition
, it
is acknowledged
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
naturally
immature,
hence
the development of their morals and value system will
be impacted
by the types of television they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
. One piece of research conducted by America reveals that more than 20% of young criminals blame their illegal
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
social value conveyed by mass media.

Nevertheless
, those who believe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
’
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
is
mainly
influenced by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they
are exposed
to screen
also
possess
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sound points. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent by young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them be vulnerable to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ailments such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
short-sightedness
and obesity.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
has reported that due to the increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of watching TV, the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in British who are suffering from eye problems and obesity has grown
significantly
.
Moreover
, spending too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on TV impedes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to cultivate a bonded and closed relationship with their parents, which leads to an isolated living habit and hampers the development of their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In conclusion
, I believe the content
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they spend in front of TV place an equal value on cultivating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
’
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
altogether.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that what children watch on television will influence their behaviours. Others think that the time they watch television influences their behaviour most. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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