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Many students leave high schools without knowing how to manage their money. What are the reasons, and how can they improve their understanding of financial management? v.2

Many students leave high schools without knowing how to manage their money. What are the reasons, and how can they improve their understanding of financial management? v. 2
Monetary skill has been an important life skill in people’s daily life. However, it is pointed out that many students finishing their high school without the ability to manage their finance. This essay will discuss the causes of this phenomenon, followed by possible strategies to allocate the problem. The lack of capability to manage their money among students is mainly due to the following reasons. First of all, the inability of school education to impart relative knowledge to students is the primary reason. Because high school regards equipping its students with abundant academic knowledge as its top priority, it seems useless to include any financial related courses into their curriculum system. In addition, students also could not acquire enough practice opportunities to hone their financial skills in their daily life. As high school students are deemed to be immature to look after their own money, it is unlikely for them to acquire suitable opportunities to practice their financial management skills. In order to solve the problem, two effective methods should be adopted. To begin with, the financial management course should become one of the compulsory subjects in high school education. With the better understanding of relative monetary knowledge, students will able to look after their own finance efficiently. Moreover, parents should give their children more opportunities to practice their financial management skill. As such skill can be constantly improved and upgraded in students’ daily life, the continuous practicing will tremendously improve students’ money management ability. In conclusion, the missing of relative education and no practice opportunities are two reasons of the problem, while students’ understanding could be improved by arranging financial management courses and provide students with opportunities to practice their corresponding skills.
Monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
has been an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, it
is pointed
out that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
finishing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
without the ability to manage their finance. This essay will discuss the causes of this phenomenon, followed by possible strategies to allocate the problem.

The lack of capability to manage their money among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is
mainly
due to the following reasons.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the inability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
education to impart relative knowledge to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is the primary reason.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
regards equipping its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with abundant academic knowledge as its top priority, it seems useless to include any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
related courses into their curriculum system.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
also
could not acquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to hone their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are deemed
to be immature to look after their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
money, it is unlikely for them to acquire suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practice
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In order to solve the problem, two effective methods should
be adopted
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
course should become one of the compulsory subjects in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
education. With the better understanding of relative monetary knowledge,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will able to look after their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
finance
efficiently
.
Moreover
, parents should give their children more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practice
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
. As such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
can be
constantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
and upgraded in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, the continuous practicing will
tremendously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
ability.

In conclusion
, the missing of relative education and no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
are two reasons of the problem, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
understanding could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by arranging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
courses and provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practice
their corresponding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
51Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many students leave high schools without knowing how to manage their money. What are the reasons, and how can they improve their understanding of financial management? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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