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Some people think that way to reduce crimes is long term prisons while others think that there are other ways. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that way to reduce crimes is long term prisons while others think that there are other ways. v. 2
It is thought by many that increase the prison time is the only solution to deter criminals to do crimes while others believe that there are some other ways to tackle this issue, such as an education and more surveillance on criminals. This essay will discuss both views of the statement, however, I believe that an education and the surveillance play significant role in reducing the number of the crimes. There are some reasons behind that why some people think exceeding prison time will decrease the crime rates. First of all, the threat of prison time deters the criminals from convicting crimes. In other words, they always have a fear to go behind the bars for their rest of life. Owing to this, they can think twice or thrice before convicting the offends. In the US, for example, there is a law for the felony crimes, such as murders, kidnapping, rape and many more, to send the criminals behind the bars for over 20 years. Therefore, this helps to decrease the number of offenders. On the other hand, providing good education is an important method to reduce misdemeanours or crimes. This helps them to get good jobs and earn money for their needs, they do not need to do theft or robbery for fulfilling their requirements. To illustrate, studies showed that uneducated people were more likely to involved in illegal activities than educated ones. Apart from this, an increase in the surveillance by using CCTV camera in different parts of the cities to identify the offenders easily. This is also one solution to decrease offences. In conclusion, although an increasing sentence prison are helping to deter the wrong doings by criminals, I personally believe that an education and cameras in the streets of cities more helps to decline crimes.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
time is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution to deter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
while others believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways to tackle this issue, such as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and more surveillance on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
. This essay will discuss both views of the statement,
however
, I believe that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and the surveillance play significant role in reducing the number of the crimes.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons behind that why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
exceeding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
time will decrease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the threat of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
time deters the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
from convicting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, they always have a fear to go behind the bars for their rest of life. Owing to this, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice or thrice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
convicting the offends. In the US,
for example
, there is a law for the felony
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, such as murders, kidnapping, rape and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
behind the bars for over 20 years.
Therefore
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to decrease the number of offenders.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, providing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
method to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
Possible spelling mistake found.
misdemeanours
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
jobs and earn money for their needs, they do not need to do theft or robbery for fulfilling their requirements. To illustrate, studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that uneducated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were more likely to involved in illegal activities than educated ones. Apart from this, an increase in the surveillance by using CCTV camera in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the cities to identify the offenders
easily
. This is
also
one solution to decrease
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
.

In conclusion
, although an increasing sentence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
are helping to deter the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
doings by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
, I
personally
believe that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and cameras in the streets of cities more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to decline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think that way to reduce crimes is long term prisons while others think that there are other ways. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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