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some employers want to be able to contact their staff at all times, even on holidays. Does this development have more advantages the disadvantages v.7

some employers want to be able to contact their staff at all times, even on holidays. Does this development have more advantages the disadvantages v. 7
It is being argued that most of the companies keep contacting their employees after the core business hours, and even on holidays as well, which in turn result was devastating of their personal space and their respective member's time. Though, it's only acceptable for some emergency cases, however its not recommended by the governments as well due to various reasons. Firstly, by calling for the employees mobile numbers on vacations, employees won't able to spend their time satisfactorily. For instance, consider the blue-collar worker who went to his wedding for a month, irrespective of their actual need contacting him/her is actually disturbing his valuable and precious time. Last year, the times magazine published an article about the employee regulatory act, in which it’s been clearly stated that there are unavoidable punishments for the firms by contacting their workmen whoever on vacation or off for the specific period. Secondly, the reason to get off for working environment for a time period is to work more proactively and to take care of their respective company projects more efficiently in order to boost their market which in turn result in their shares. Considering calling them, even on the employee sick day it significantly gives a negative effect on the company. Apparently people will lose their serenity and calm nature. In addition to that, At times an artisan will be panic suddenly by their management calls and even by their e-mails. As a result, it will lead to major mental health issues which will further impact potential for their career growth. Consider last decade, reports by a local newspaper Almost 30% of people has got the heart attack by attempting the office calls when they are on leave and most of them are related to their financial reasons such as employee market shares and their alternative investments. To Conclude that, it's not advised to contact their respective worker while they in their family time and long holidays even not to send the personal messages to them. Governments have already in place by certain amendments for the companies. Of course they are failing in execution of those rules. In order to minimize the public death the companies should follow those stringent policies.
It is
being argued
that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
contacting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
after the core business hours, and even on holidays
as well
, which in turn result was devastating of their personal space and their respective member's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Though, it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
acceptable for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
emergency cases,
however
its not recommended by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
as well
due to various reasons.

Firstly
, by calling for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
mobile numbers on vacations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
won't able to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
satisfactorily
.
For instance
, consider the blue-collar worker who went to his wedding for a month, irrespective of their actual need contacting him/her is actually disturbing his valuable and precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Last year, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
magazine published an article about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
regulatory act, in which it’s been
clearly
stated that there are unavoidable punishments for the firms by contacting their workmen whoever on vacation or off for the specific period.
Secondly
, the reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
off for working environment for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
period is to work more
proactively
and to take care of their respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
projects more
efficiently
in order to boost their market which in turn result in their shares. Considering calling them, even on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
sick day it
significantly
gives a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
Apparently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will lose their serenity and calm nature.

In addition
to that, At
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
an artisan will be panic
suddenly
by their management calls and even by their e-mails.
As a result
, it will lead to major mental health issues which will
further
impact potential for their career growth. Consider last decade, reports by a local newspaper Almost 30% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the heart attack by attempting the office calls when they are on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
and most of them
are related
to their financial reasons such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
market shares and their alternative investments.

To Conclude
that, it's not advised to contact their respective worker while they in their family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and long holidays even not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
the personal messages to them.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
have already in place by certain amendments for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. Of
The comma is probably missing here: "course, they".
course they
are failing in execution of those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. In order to minimize the public death the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should follow those stringent policies.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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Czech Proverb

IELTS essay some employers want to be able to contact their staff at all times, even on holidays. Does this development have more advantages the disadvantages v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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