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Some people think that way to reduce crimes is long term prisons while others think that there are other ways. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that way to reduce crimes is long term prisons while others think that there are other ways. v. 1
Crimes are inevitable nowadays. Everyday, there are numerous burglaries, murders, robberies, . . . taken place in almost everywhere on the planet. Goverment has set out efficient rules to reduce crimes. One of them is sending the guilty person to prison. Many people state that those who commit to crime should be sentenced to long term prisons, whereas others argue that there are different approaches to cut down crimes. In this essay, I will discuss both claims from my own point of view. First of all, it cannot be denied that long term prisons are essential. To the best of my knowledge, criminals are very dangerous, especially murderers. Many of whom are cold-blooded, which can lead to miserable situations. As can be seen clearly, many muderers are unwilling to turn over a new leaf after having finish their judgement. Therefore, they are likely to commit to crime once they get out of jails. In such cases, I belive putting these people behind bars is the best solution to reduce crimes. Furthermore, a great deal of prisoners was sentenced to long term prisons because of their sins in the past. This is a way to make them repent themselves of what they have done. On the other hand, a number of prisoners realise their guilty actions soon enough to earn themselves a munificient. This can be an encouragement from the public for them to make a better life for themselves. Moreover, long term prisons can indirectly cause crimes. For example, if people are sentenced to prisons for too long, their relatives may feel unfair and consequently cause crime as a way to revenge the goverment. In addition, not everyone deserves long term prisons. In fact, we should give them a second chance to make a new life. To sum up, I agree to both statements. Gorverment should work out the best solutions to reduce the rate of crimes in every country.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crimes
are inevitable nowadays.
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
Everyday
, there are numerous burglaries, murders, robberies
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
taken
place in almost everywhere on the planet.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Goverment
has set out efficient
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. One of them is sending the guilty person to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
state that those who commit to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
should
be sentenced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
, whereas others argue that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
approaches to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. In this essay, I will discuss both claims from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
point of view.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it cannot
be denied
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
are essential. To the best of my knowledge, criminals are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
,
especially
murderers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of whom are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
-blooded, which can lead to miserable situations. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
clearly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
muderers
are unwilling to turn over a new leaf after having finish their judgement.
Therefore
, they are likely to commit to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
once they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of jails. In such cases,
Did you mean "I believe"?
I belive
putting these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
behind bars is the best solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Furthermore
, a great deal of prisoners
was sentenced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their sins in the past. This is a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them repent themselves of what they have done.

On the other hand
, a number of prisoners
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
their guilty actions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to earn themselves a
Possible spelling mistake found.
munificient
. This can be an encouragement from the public for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better life for themselves.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
can
indirectly
cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
For example
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are sentenced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
for too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
, their relatives may feel unfair and
consequently
cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
as a way to revenge the
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
.
In addition
, not everyone deserves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
. In fact, we should give them a second chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a new life.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to both statements.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gorverment
should work out the best solutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in every country.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think that way to reduce crimes is long term prisons while others think that there are other ways. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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