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Some people think that watching sports during leisure time is a wastage of time. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that watching sports during leisure time is a wastage of time. v. 1
Seeing the telecasted sport matches, when we are free, is considered useless by a few of us. I strongly agree with this fact since most of them involve a lot of gambling and it is widely used for promoting certain brands. The spare time in which people watch sports, to know whether their favourite team or player would win, goes into trash, since certain dishonest means decide how the game should progress. In order to prove this point, let me take the remind the bidding websites owned by renowned agencies and sportsmen. People are supposed to vote or guess the team which would win in such platform. This survey is monitored carefully and based on the probability of better profits, these agencies only decide on how and who should succeed. Finally, common people end up losing their money and time in these shows. The IPL instance in which CSK team was banned for 2 years from taking part in cricket matches is the best example to support my statement. Our society is only losing its time and money while watching sports since it is the sponsors who gain profits through these matches. This fact is obvious since we see our favourite players promoting certain brands or products in television ads and, also, they use the dress and accessories prescribed by their sponsors while playing. Moreover, if we calculate the duration of the game and ads, the latter will outweigh the former. While we think we spend our time to watch sport matches, we end up registering the products of investors in our brains. This in turn only increases their sales but do not bring us any gain. A recent survey which states that 70 % of the showtimes are utilized by ads confirms my fact. I would like to conclude by agreeing with the fact that people spoil their free hours by watching games on television, websites, etc. , as the course of these matches are decided before hand for the sole profit of gambling agencies and products of contributors.
Seeing the
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "telecast", the past tense form of the verb 'telecast'?
telecasted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
, when we are free,
is considered
useless by a few of us. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this fact since most of them involve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
gambling and it is
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for promoting certain brands.

The spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, to know whether their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
team or player would win, goes into trash, since certain dishonest means decide how the game should progress. In order to prove this point,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me take the
The word 'remind' is not a noun. Did you mean "reminder"?
remind
the bidding websites
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by renowned agencies and sportsmen.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are supposed
to vote or guess the team which would win in such platform. This survey
is monitored
carefully
and based on the probability of better profits, these agencies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
decide on how and who should succeed.
Finally
, common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up losing their money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
IPL
instance in which
Possible spelling mistake found.
CSK
team
was banned
for 2 years from taking part in cricket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
is the best example to support my statement.

Our society is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
losing its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money while watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
since it is the sponsors who gain profits through these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
. This fact is obvious since we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
our
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
players promoting certain brands or products in television ads and,
also
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the dress and accessories prescribed by their sponsors while playing.
Moreover
, if we calculate the duration of the game and ads, the latter will outweigh the former. While we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we spend our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up registering the products of investors in our brains. This in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increases their sales
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
do not bring us any gain. A recent survey which states that 70 % of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
showtimes
are utilized
by ads confirms my fact.

I would like
to conclude
by agreeing with the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spoil their free hours by watching games on television, websites, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
as the course of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
are decided
Did you mean "beforehand"?
before hand
for the sole profit of gambling agencies and products of contributors.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think that watching sports during leisure time is a wastage of time. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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