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Some people think that watching sport is wastage of time during leisure time. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that watching sport is wastage of time during leisure time. v. 1
There are plenty of options available to select from, for a person who want to spend his spare time. However, while some people believe that watching sports is waste of time, I agree wth those who argue that spending leisure time is matter of personal choice and watching sports should not be excluded from it. To begin with, in this fast moving world time for fun and relaxation is getting reduced everyday. Therefore, some people argue that we should spend available free time wisely by rejuvenate ourselves though doing things which are good for mental and physicall health, rather than just watching sports, which appears to be ineffective in treating them. For instance, if a person goes for a walk or do yoga, then he will improove his health. Thus, it is advisable to pursue value added activities in leisure time. However, I believe that a activity choosen for free time should not be rated on its usefulness, but it must be ranked as per persons’s choice. This is because some sports allow person to get entertain, but in addition to that it also helps to reduce their stress, which is very important. Moreover, by watching sports, a person can feel and livin competitive spirit, which releases adrenaline and make him contended. In fact, watching sport is often a group event, where family and friends get togather. Hence, it can be consider as socializing catalyst. In conclusion, although there are plenty of other healthier activities available to go for in leisure time, I feel that the level of entertainment, stress reduction and mode of socializing provided by sports make it worth watching.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of options available to select from, for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who want to spend his spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
However
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
Possible spelling mistake found.
wth
those who argue that spending leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is matter of personal choice and watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should not
be excluded
from it.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
moving world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for fun and relaxation is getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that we should spend available free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
wisely
by rejuvenate ourselves though doing things which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for mental and
Possible spelling mistake found.
physicall
health,
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, which appears to be ineffective in treating them.
For instance
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
goes for a walk or do yoga, then he will
Possible spelling mistake found.
improove
his health.
Thus
, it is advisable to pursue value
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
activities in leisure time.

However
, I believe that
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
activity
Possible spelling mistake found.
choosen
for free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should not
be rated
on its usefulness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be ranked
as per
Did you mean "person’s" or "persons’"?
persons’s
choice. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
entertain,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in addition
to that it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Moreover
, by watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can feel and
Possible spelling mistake found.
livin
competitive spirit, which releases adrenaline and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him contended. In fact, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
a group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
, where family and friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Possible spelling mistake found.
togather
.
Hence
, it can be
Consider using the past participle "considered"?
consider
as socializing catalyst.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of other healthier activities available to go for in leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, I feel that the level of entertainment,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
reduction and mode of socializing provided by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it worth watching.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that watching sport is wastage of time during leisure time. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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